Weird scene alert: Venezuelan president and garbage-disposal mouth Hugo Chavez (the garbage comes from his brain and gets all chopped and screwed and sprayed out his mouth, is how that image is supposed to work in your head.  Also in Canada, they call it a “garburator.”  A seriously Canadian person told me that.) was smooching various celebrity behinds at the premiere of Oliver Stone’s new documentary South of the Border.  Susan Sarandon was there, and Danny Glover, and Shia f*cking LaBeouf!  Talk about your Fantasy Celebrityball team.  But Hugo Chavez only had eyes for one lucky lady: Courtney Love…  

“It was the third wink that sold me,” Mrs. Kurt Cobain told us. “He’s a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I’d like to go. I’ll rock Caracas!”

Hugo Chavez, meanwhile, hurried back to Venezuela to prepare for her visit.  He was visiting all the factories like, you call this the world’s seventh biggest producer of cocaine?  This is Courtney Love we’re talking about here, guys.  Her nose will descend upon us from the sky like a terrible celestial vacuum and suck our land dry!  She must be appeased!  What have I done??

Source: NYDN.

Of course I had a Nirvana phase.  They’re just a band that does that to you.  Cobain and co. usually get you in mid-to-late high school, when you’re feeling restless and dissatisfied and generally caged in.  The guys had a sense of humor though.  Cobain wrote “I Hate Myself and Want To Die” to poke fun at his media image as a sad sack longhair.  He ultimately kind of ruined the punchline there, but still.  Hard to think he’d be laughing about the new Guitar Hero 5, though, in which he’s a playable avatar.

The game’s career mode has the animated Nirvana frontman sing Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name, yell Flava Flav’s catch phrase and do Bush karaoke.

Indeed, why would Kurt Cobain even yell, “FLAVA FLAAAAV!!”?  It just don’t sit right.  So as you might imagine, Courtney Love has been fumbling through pages of phone books, take-out menus, and Dianetics, looking for someone or something to sue over this…  

“For the record this Guitar Hero sh*t is breach of contract on a Bullys part and there will be a proper addressing of this and retraction,” she tweeted. “WE are going to sue the sh*t out of ACtivision we being the Trust the Estate the LLC the various LLCs Cobain Enterprises.”

That could mean any number of things.  Not in the sense that there are any number of conclusions to the lawsuit, but more in the sense that her words and sentences have no fixed referent in the reality of understood communication.

Other characters include Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty.  No one wants to hear any of those guys shout the Flava Flav catchphrase.  Why is Flava Flav even in Guitar Hero?  Who’s the real hero here, Activision?

Source: Perez.

Hope y’all had yourselves a good American time on the 4th this weekend!  Hot dogs, beers, maybe some kites, definitely a selection of fireworks.  All good American things.  Except maybe the fireworks, which probably came from China.  And the kites were probably hecho en Mexico, actually.  And the hot dogs really could have come from anywhere.

I guess what I’m saying is that Courtney Love is a better American than you are.  Can you guess how she celebrated this nation’s independence?  

According to US site perezhilton.com, just weeks after trashing a hotel room in LA, KURT COBAIN‘s widow left another room in New York in a dire state.

And it was allegedly ‘littered with needles and used feminine hygiene products’ after she spent time in the city with daughter FRANCES BEAN.

Douches and heroin party!  Yayyy!  You really do have to pity Frances though.  Plenty of kids grow up with bad or absent parents, but one of hers is dead and the other is Courtney Love.

A source at New York’s Inn hotel said: “She caused so much damage in eight hours and wreaked so much havoc. It was actually kind of funny…minus the $5,000 in repairs.”

Thomas Jefferson didn’t die for our sins in vain.  When he singlehandedly fought off the British, he had a dream that one day this great nation would be safe for Courtney Love to sit slackjawed on a hotel bed mainlining vodka and throwing tampons at the walls, and now that dream is real.

Source: The Sun.

The recession is tough on everyone, but lipstick and Valium aren’t getting any cheaper!  This seems to be causing financial headaches for Courtney Love, and by “financial headaches,” I mean $$352,659.67 in credit card debt, according to American Express.

But now her lawyer is fighting back.  As he told TMZ:

“AmEx knows the claim has no merit. We have told them this for a long time. AmEx’s lax policies allowed fraudulent transactions to be charged to my client’s card.”

AmEx should have known that his client’s card would be choked with purchases of Halloween costumes and rare squirrels, and they should have done something about that.  It is not his client’s fault that that happened.  But where did the money really go?  The answer may lie on Courtney Love’s blog:  

From a post on 5/23:

a week and a half ago my housekeeper who doesnt steal while getting ready for the couture or whatever just garage invite only sale  got  one massive box from fed ex addressed to Boudoir Queen in AUstin Texas from Toronto Canada 

THIS BOGGLED MY MIND and man i have seen wierder shit than any of you ever will.

Ok.  I am with you so far, Courtney Love.

anyway my staff open up the  big box and theres another 20 boxes inside, 

Inside each box is 5/10 Blackberries not yet on the market

no this was grand larceny i have to go to the police about a whole lot of shit for insirance reasons this one is MIND BOGGLING

the mind is boggling!  MORE than 50 Blackberries says Andrea im like YOU TELL ITTP THEM THATS JUST TOO NUTTY sheena saw em and  Fuella saw em and its just f*cking wierd.

You can try to hide behind your clueless, drug-hazy non-sentences and incoherent protestations, Courtney Love, but I’m on to you.  You’re masterminding a secret black market BlackBerry smuggling ring and AmEx is paying for it!  And you would have gotten away with it too, if not for those meddling credit card corporations!  TMZ again:

Courtney’s lawyer tells us that 104 AmEx credit cards were taken out under Courtney’s name or the name of her business — and that all the charges attributed to Courtney weren’t made by her. He also said it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out nobody takes out 104 credit cards!

On the one hand, the “look, no person would do that” defense is no longer sufficient for Courtney Love.  On the other hand, what fool at AmEx issued 104 credit cards to Courtney Love??

Source: TMZ, Love’s blog.

The only person alive with creepy junkie legs and still hitting up the party circuit is my favorite mess, Courtney Love.  She’s also Your Daily Fug, again.  Geeze, we should call this Courtney Love Presents Your Daily Fug since it’s her third time this week.  It won’t be her last, so soak up the fug.  DO IT!>>>

These disastrous photos of plastic surgery-addict Courtney Love arriving at a BAFTAS after-party perfectly illustrates that with age does not always come wisdom.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in respecting one’s elders, but I think it’s also important for us to remember that young douches eventually grow up to be old douches. It’s not like they grow old and suddenly their hearts become bigger and warmer and they care for others and not just themselves. Sadly it doesn’t work like that. 

It’s always uncomfortable to put in a position when you’re arguing with someone whose older, but clearly retarded, and you have to really hone in on your patience and bite your tongue from yelling and calling them stupid. 

And as I stare at Courtney’s melted face, this is what I think of. She may be older, but wiser she is not. Ten bucks and a dozen raw oysters says my dog is smarter than she is. She might lick her butt, but she won’t ever stick her face in a fire.

Reminisce with Courtney before she looked like she dipped her face in wet wax with the music video for 1994′s “Miss World” back when Hole wasn’t completely unbearable.

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.2068544&w=425&h=350&fv=]

SplashNews

Here is model citizen Courtney Love shopping in Malibu, California this past Sunday with a big smile on her face, and methamphetamines (undoubtedly) coursing through her veins.

The sun gods must be really angry with us, and have thus decided to punish us, because why else would we have endure exposure to Amy Winehouse topless and a Courtney Love upskirt moment one day to the next?

It’s not disgusting because they’re unattractive, so much as it’s because they’re junkies. Let’s face it, crazies like these have the imagination to inject crack into their most private regions. We needn’t see any proof of such physical abuse? They should contact Dr. 90210. I hear vaginoplasties are his third most popular plastic surgery. Yeesh.

SplashNews

Need to grow some hair on your coconuts? Daring to stare at Courtney’s face will do the trick. Chia Pet-action this way>>>

While us hard working citizens of the world took a break to stuff our pretty little faces with Christmas cheer and alcohol, the ever-delicate Courtney Love took a break from hitting the crack pipe to accuse Kim Kardashian‘s brother of a hate-crime via a blog on her MySpace page.

Courtney alleges Robert Kardashian, Jr. hit one of her employees, calling him a “faggot.” She wrote, “Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge.”

Kim Kardashian has come to her little brother’s rescue, defending him on her blog. She writes:

“A lot of what she wrote doesn’t even make much sense and doesn’t follow a clear train of thought,” Kardashian wrote. “At one point she says Brody was there too and that someone yelled discriminatory expletives against gay people, but I honestly can’t figure out who she is accusing because her writing is so bad.”

Kardashian continued: “All I know is that both Brody and Rob didn’t do anything close to what Ms. Love has described.”

She added: “We will forward this terrible nonsense to our attorneys.”

If I may, I’d like to say that, while Courtney probably hallucinated the entire situation, people have to realize that sometimes others don’t like you, not because your black or white, straight or gay, but because your an asshole. Too many people have a chip on their shoulder.

Now, I’m not saying hate crimes don’t exist, because they do and they are awful awful awful and should not be tolerated in the least.  Still, all too often I’ve heard people b!tch and moan about being hated for their nationality, skin-coloring, or sexuality, when really they’re just so effing annoying even others of their same background and beliefs don’t like them. Why? Because they’re a-holes.

Source, Image Source

To see full pics Kim Kardashian’s 2009 Calendar, click

Anyone that wants to argue with me about Courtney Love looking like a monster can meet me behind the bar around the corner from my house so I can kick your ass.  Jesus, crazy Courtney has had so many unnecessary surgical procedures that she currently looks like Michael Meyers mask in Halloween.  Well, I guess if this is your idea of perfection you can rent Halloween and jerk off for hours, that or pick up a broken down hooker off skid row.  They’re all the same thing.

Although, you could give her a pass if crazy is your deal.  Courtney isn’t just your run of the mill loony tunes.  She’s full blown, play with your poop, talking in tongues out-of-her-mind.  So you know she’d totally let you fuck her in the ass.  Well, that and it was highly documented by Kurt Cobain that she liked in the poop shoot.  Amen.

Courtney Love took a break from hitting the crack pipe at her friendly dealer’s drug den to find the answer to her woes in Malibu earlier this week.

Seen perusing a book on the healing powers of crystal meth, as well as few others on the laws of attraction and alcoholism, it was right then and there that Courtney decided she was going to make a change for the best and quit doing drugs.

Well, after one last hit. Just one last run and night of binging and that’s it. She couldn’t just walk away and never have one last moment with her precious pipes.  It’s not about her. It’s about them. The pipes. It wouldn’t be fair to them. One last slow dance before the final kiss of death is planted.

Goodbye, Courtney. Goodbye.

Image Sources: Celebslam, Splash