With Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp in the same film, is there anyway you can really go wrong? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. Check out the trailer for their upcoming movie The Tourist after the jump.

Intrigue, action and international mayhem…sounds like a great combo to us. Peep The Tourist trailer below.

Via: WSJ

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any better for Angelina Jolie, a gaggle of kids, a hit movie, a husband who finally remembered to shave…the proverbial sh*t has hit the fan. Thanks Star magazine. Find out about Angelina’s drug bender and S & M photos after the jump.

The magazine claims to have exclusive photos of Angelina from several years ago that show the actress in the midst of a drug bender as well as photos of her with black tape over her nipples and a dog collar around her neck. Celebrity biographer Andrew Morton said:

“The photographs are a startling reminder to Angelina of a period in her life I’m sure she wants to forget, a shady piece of her history that she’s kept hidden away, even from Brad.”

Thanks for clearing that up Captain Obvious. But I think Angelina might have a tough time putting that in the past when she stares at those photos every time she takes the kiddies to the supermarket.

Via: FOX News

Producer Scott Rudin has bought the rights to an upcoming biography called Queen of the Nile, Cleopatra: A Life. And a movie is reportedly “being developed for and with Jolie.” Who needs Tomb Raider when Angelina Jolie is on the cusp of being Cleopatra. More after the jump.

The book’s author says that physically speaking, Angelina would be perfect for the role. And we certainly can’t argue with that. Angelina has had quite an assortment of awesome (and not so awesome) roles in her day, but we think that Cleopatra would be a perfect fit for her. Plus, I think it’s time that we go back to the sexy Angelina Jolie of yesteryear. It’s great that she plays mommy dearest day in and day out, but she is still smokin’ hot and shouldn’t waste her time on roles that don’t cater to her best assets.

Via: US Magazine

This can’t be true…can it? After producer Dan Lin revealed that Angelina Jolie would not be reprising her role as the sexy Lara Croft in the next installment of the Tomb Raider series, a number of Hollywood’s hottest ladies were thrown into the replacement mix. First speculation hovered around casting Megan Fox as the action heroine, but the stunner quickly shot down those hopes. Now, it appears as if Kim Kardashian is being taken into consideration for the role. Good Lord, what is the world coming to? More after the jump.

One source says:

“Kim has wanted to play a far more comic-strip version of Lara, which would be shot in 3D and aimed at a teen audience.”

While your hopes of branching out into something more than sex tapes and reality television is admirable Kim, do you think you can really replace Angelina? Producers may have given Angie the axe because they want a younger actress, but they can at least try to find one with a little bit of actual acting ability. Kim would certainly look great in those short shorts, but can you really imagine two hours sitting in a movie theater listening to Kim doing an English accent? I think not.

Via: Star Pulse

So this is definitely coming out of left field. In a new book called “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story” (I wonder how she ever thought of that title), author Jenny Paul alleges that Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger were getting it on while the rocker was still married to Jerry Hall. Jenny says sparks flew between the pair after they filmed the video “Anybody Seen My Baby?” But if that wasn’t enough Stones in her life, Angelina is also alleged to have had another affair with Mick six years later in 2003. For those of you trying to do the math, Mick is nearly 30 years older than Angelina (eww).

But the book doesn’t stop there with its investigation of Angelina’s past bedroom buddies. Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes are two other lucky men who apparently got intimate with Lara Croft.

As for the actress’ marriage to Brad Pitt, the book claims that Jennifer Aniston was pretty much out of the picture when the two got to know each while filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Well i’m sure that little bit of information is going to make Jennifer feel better about her marriage blowing up in her face.

They book also says that Angelina wants 13 children (a mix of biological and adopted). I’m sure Brad isn’t going to have any complaints about making a few more biological bundles of joy with Angie.

Via: The Blemish

I’m certainly a betting type of gal, so Paddy Power’s interest in when and if Brangelina might split and who Brad Pitt will hook up next definitely caught my attention. In the event that the Hollywood supercouple were to end their relationship, the site is predicting that Jennifer Aniston is almost a sure shot to pick up right where she left off with Mr. Inglourious Basterds. Her odds are currently about ½. However, if Jennifer isn’t sick of playing around with Gerard Butler yet or is not feeling the homelessman scruff that Brad has been rocking, then it might be Megan Fox or Adriana Lima who warms his bed next. Megan is pulling about 8/1 odds, while the Victoria’s Secret stunner clinched the third spot with 10/1. And who is the darkhorse competition for Brad’s affections. That honor would go to Kelly Brook who is currently facing down 50/1 odds. While there is virtually no logic to this round-up of celebrity hotties (other than rules saying that to win the couple must be confirmed by their reps), it is still entertaining enough to size up who might be next in line if things take a turn for the worst with Brad and Angelina.

Via: Online Betting Guide UK

Angelina Jolie, sources say, is tired of Hollywood.  She’s really psyched about politics and “causes” and adopting poor children and such, so she’s going to do something about it.  Angelina Jolie is going to save us from ourselves.  Says a friend,

“I would place a huge wager on her becoming the first female president in the next 20 years. When Ange sets her mind on something, she goes all out to do it.”

Past political experience includes being the Queen of Macedonia and mother to Alexander the Great, Scourge of Kings Hrothgar and Beowulf, and a secret agent.  Better than being some “community organizer” ha!  Old jokes!  Angelina’s path to power, after the jump.  

“Ange has admitted she’s getting bored with Hollywood. She said she’s now got her sights set on Washington. She is passionate about people’s rights, war and justice and thinks she can get more hands-on and make even more of a difference by getting into politics. She admires Obama and thinks she could make a big difference too if she were in his position.”

…

“She’s very determined and gets very stirred by her UN work. She is well respected for her humanitarian work and I’m sure she would make as many waves if she moved fully into the political world.”

Are you calling Angelina Jolie a man?  Some friend!

Ten to one, Megan Fox is behind these hurtful rumors.  Note, however, that Angelina Jolie would be our first tattooed president since Millard “Latin Kings Death Before Dishonor” Fillmore.

Source: Celebslam.

Angelina Jolie, Queen of Earth, is most displeased with one of her subjects.  Sources say that she has finally become chagrined with the insolent upstart Megan Fox, who eyes her throne so covetously.  Evidently Ms. Megan has been gunning for the Lara Croft role in the next Tomb Raider movie:

“Angie isn’t a fan of the Transformers films and believes Megan won’t do the Lara Croft character justice. She’s also annoyed because she thinks Megan copies everything from her, from her tattoos to her style.”

Ladies, please.  This is how pillow fights get started.  I have put together a sampling of action hero pictures of Jolie and Fox.  You be the judge, after the jump.  

“Angie was intent on reprising her role. She feels it’s something she helped define and feels robbed that it looks likely to be handed to someone who she considers less capable than her.”

Oh, snap.  It’s about to be a – WHAT – girl fight!

Click here to view the embedded video.

But come on, Angelina.  F*cking Tomb Raider?  Aren’t you a serious actress now?  Let Megan have the role and move on to some Ridley Scott big history movie or something.  And anyway, the new film will be a prequel, which means a younger Lara Croft.  Like a 1996-style Lara.

Unfortunately, someone asked old man Jon Voight, Jolie’s father, about his opinion on the brouhaha.  He was able to say,

“They’re both very beautiful and they’re both kind of sexy girls,”

before his handlers could put his muzzle back on him.  Oh, dad.

Source: The Sun.

The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards were held in Beverly Hills last night, and as much as I’d like to tell you I sat through the show, the truth is I was watching that South Park rerun on the Peruvian flute bands and Anne Hathaway‘s horse mug in “The Devil Wears Prada.”

There was a time when I used to beg my mom to let me stay up so I could watch the awards, but at that time I also played with Barbies and touched myself in secrecy. A lot has changed since then. So while I can’t give you a recap of the awards, I can give you a recap of all the babes that showed up. Let’s face it, you care more about the chicks then the awards anyway.

Click here for the list of winners.

66th Annual Golden Globe Awards Gallery – Pt. 1

Hayden Panettiere… I’m not saying she’s fat, but for a short girl gaining 5 lbs. makes a hell of a difference.

Elizabeth Banks… In my mind she’s the younger, sexier version of Chelsea Handler, but I’d still take Chelsea any day.

Eva Longoria…. Admit it, there’s something growing in your uterus. If we were to hold you up to a candle we could see the creature growing inside you. We already can.

America Ferrera… I think Ugly Betty is lame, but I love America and think she is absolutely beautiful. Sadly, I don’t know that many men would agree.

Vanessa Hudgens… Her nude photos will serve for a nice before and after comparison when she accepts Playboy’s offer to pose in the flesh five years from now.

Angelina Jolie… Kudos to her for contributing money and time to children in need. She still looks like a total c^nt.

Demi Moore… Ashton is tool. The end.

Isla Fisher… Is by far one of Hollywood sexiest redheads and I love the fact that she always has a smile on her face

Evan Rachel Wood… You’ll never be Dita Von Teese and for that reason you’ll always be second-best.

Christina Applegate… It’s impossible not to like this girl, but seriously, where are her boobs? I thought she said she was going to have the hottest pair in the nursing home?

Rita Wilson… Yes, I added Tom Hanks’ wife because he’s phenomenal, but most of all because I wanted to ask you: When did he get so old looking?

Anna Paquin… Two words: bottle opener.

66th Annual Golden Globe Awards Gallery – Pt. 2

Eva Mendes…. Needs to just hurry up and starting attending red-carpet events in some scantily-clad, see-through French maid uniform.

Drew Barrymore… Someone needs to keep an eye on her. Getting drunk and playing dress-up in your mom’s clothes and makeup is not hot.

Kate Beckinsale… Outshines most of these b!tchez.

Olivia Wilde… Is in severe need of a protein shot….or ten…million. 

Megan Fox… The girl is already ruining her good looks. She looks more like a statue than she does human. No me gusta.

Cameron Diaz… Is a prime example of how sun can age someone real fast. I still like her though. She’s a happy person. I like happy and natural, then trying to be sexy and plastic. *Cough* Megan Fox *Cough Cough*

Anne Hathaway… “Get Smart” sucked sweaty, old-man balls, but if she really is as good as people say she was in “Rachel Getting Married” then I’ll forgive her and her horse-mug.

Jennifer Lopez… Your heydays are over. Quit showing us your Rican rump roast and flat-chest in a plunging neckline. We don’t care.

Kate Winslet… H-O-T. I don’t know when this happened, but more power to her!

Renee Zellweger… “Empire Records” was still her best movie. Now she just looks like a mess-of-a-person with a bird’s nest for hair, who strangely enough has a nice b-u-t-t-. She must have borrowed Eva Longoria’s butt pad after she got knocked -up.

66th Annual Golden Globe Awards Gallery – Pt. 3

Beyonce… I’m so over her, but kudos to her anyway.

Rumer Willis… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Salma Hayek… This woman had a kid not too long ago and look at how ridiculously amazing she looks already! Puta!  Go ahead, call me out. I’m totally jealous. It’s true. Even Jesus jerks to this broad.

Jennifer Morrison… I love her on House and she definitely needs more attention from Hollywood. Again, another chick who’s always smiling. It’s such a great trait.

Miley Cyrus… You’re still underage. Put away your damn t!ts! Didn’t your momma raise you better? Oh, wait. Clearly that’s a N-O.

Heidi Klum…This woman is the definition of a MILF. She’s so beautiful people on the streets must just stare at her like she was a goddess resurrected from the heavens.

Lisa Rinna... A prime example of why you should be happy with what you were born with and avoid going under the knife. 

Brooke Burke… Wild On E! needs to come back with her as the host. That show was awesome. Then they went ahead and replaced it with Taradise. We should have known right then the network would host so many crappy reality shows endorsing morons.

- FIN -

Eva Longoria

America Ferrera

Amanda Seyfried

Vanessa Hudgens

Angelina Jolie

Demi Moore

More Golden Globe glamour in 3…2….1…. Isla Fisher

Evan Rachel Wood

Christina Applegate

Elizabeth Banks

Anna Paquin

Amy Adams

Sandra Bullock

Rita Wilson