Rumer Willis Can Finally Get Laid!!!

Jesus finally responded to Rumer Willis‘ prayers. Lucky girl.  I’m still waiting for those million bucks I wished for.  Way to hook it up big guy.

You’ve tried miracle creams, painful injections, and expensive procedures. But nothing helps.

You’re still incredibly ugly.

If you suffer from retina-scarring, child-terrifying hideousness, hope exists. Not in a bottle but in a bag: the Ugly Bag, a revolutionary, instantaneous solution to common repulsiveness. Just slip it over your horribly disfigured head and let your new life begin.

Maria, formerly known to friends as “Vomit Face,” gushes: “The side effects were difficult at first — sure, I miss being able to see stuff — but it’s worth it.” JoAnne, who for years could make a living only as an extra in zombie films, says, “It’s great! I really [words too muffled to understand due to presence of paper bag on head].”

So don’t delay. Because whether you know it or not, your ugliness is probably hurting you.

And it’s definitely killing us.

If you boys have a knack for sacking all the ugly bitches, click here and buy yourself a bag. It’s only a smidge over a buck fity. Do it. Your penis will thank you.

Rumer Willis Switches Out Her Weave

Rumer Willis whores herself out at the New OP Campaign Launch Party held in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Better. But still ugly.

Oh, and don’t ever wear color contacts again.

Your Daily Fug!

F^ck.  Someone should remind Rumer Willis that suicide is always an option.

On the plus side, at least she’s got herself a cute little ass.

Here she at the MTV Movie Awards and after party over the weekend.

If There is A God, He Will Do This For Me

Holy shitballs!!! She’s making a music album!!!!

No, not the pink pussy. I’m talking about Potato Spud Willis.

She’s known as the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, but is 19-year-old Rumer Willis getting ready to bring out a record?

According to insiders, the young actress has drummed up a lot of interest from music executives with her “deep, husky” voice unique to someone her age and is “in talks” for some projects.

“She can definitely hold a good tune — keep in mind her mother, Demi, has a sultry, raspy voice, and father, Bruce, likens himself as being a blues artist,” our music insider said. “With the right production and material, she could put out something solid and already people are talking.”

Pop Tarts obtained backstage footage of Willis testing her pipes with some Dusty Springfield while being prepped for a photo shoot — and we can see where the interest came from.

Video: Click here to listen

I’m totally down for Rumer putting out an album, but only if the album cover is a plain ol’ baking potato with jizz running down the side.

They can market her first single by including it inside bags of sour cream potato chips. That shit will totally be more popular than Simpson POGS!

Source

Where Are the Terrorists When You Need Them?

Someone needs to bomb the offices of People Magazine before they cause society any more damage. The publication has released their annual “100 Most Beautiful” list and Rumer Willis was somehow snuck into the mix.

That had to have set back Bruce Willis and Demi Moore a couple mil – easily. Is it still considered “payola” if it’s not music related?

During an interview with Rumer, the 19-year-old potato spud said, “I grew up with a mom that most moms don’t look like.” She forgot to mention she grew up with a mom she would never look like either.

Below, behind the scene photos on the set of Walmart’s lame attempt to bring Op back into mainstream society. *Rolls eyes* Why the hell they picked Rumer ‘Potato Spud’ Willis, I have no idea. This rich beech has never set foot into a Walmart and we all know it!

Blind Item

I know I already posted these pics over the weekend, but every time I stare at this side-by-side comparison of Rumer ‘Potato Spud’ Willis and this pink pussy I can’t help but laughing hysterically.

Blind item via Crazy Days and Nights below.

#1 – This B- film actress was on a flight with her girlfriend and hid her face under her blanket the entire flight. Why? She could only afford Business Class. Not too bad except when two people from The Real World were laughing at you from First Class.

This has got to be broke-ass Blohan.

#2 – Ahhh. I love a good trailer trashing story. Especially when it is a female. This female film actress who is the offspring of an acting family is filming a movie right now. Seems as if the water was never the right temperature in her trailer. After complaining about 100 times, and always being told it was perfect, our actress decided to take matters into her own hands. Literally. She got a crow bar and smashed the entire trailer beginning with the bathroom. After holding up filming for about 45 minutes so she could finish beating the trailer into submission, she emerged from the trailer, and said, she thought she had finally fixed the problem. A new trailer was delivered that very day and the $50,000 for the trailer charged to the budget.

Sounds like someone stared at Rumer’s unfortunate chin for too long and she took it out on the poor trailer. It’s not the trailer’s fault you got a potato for a face!

For a pussy with pink wig, it’s pretty judgmental looking. Like it’s thinking, ‘That’s the biggest it gets? Ugh. Hurry up and put that thing away before I claw that poor excuse for a penis to shreds.’

Which Ass Would You Tap?

Alien/Ms. Potato Head Rumer Willis attended the “From Within” after party at Mansion in New York City yesterday. Ain’t she a beauty?

But the real question remains, which ass would you tap? Personally, I’d go with the pink pussy.

Your Daily Fug!

Surf clothing company Ocean Pacific is attempting to revive it’s ever dwindling fame by hiring Hollywood B-listers Rumer Willis, Pete Wentz, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian, Josie Maran, Corbin Bleu and Wilmer Valderrama.

How in the hell did Josie Maran get bundled with these fugs? That women used to grace the cover of Vogue! I suppose “used to” explains it all.

The “stars” will participate in the clothing company’s print, radio and online marketing campaign for Wal-Mart‘s spring/summer launch of Op.

Rumer Willis said of Op, “When you think of LA and the classic surfer beach vibe, you think of Op. The Op collection does a great job representing that lifestyle.” A lifestyle she knows nothing about, considering she was raised in middle America and isn’t a surfer.

Helping this potato head get dressed must be like hell. ‘Does this outfit make my head look big?’ I wonder if her chin inadvertently hurts the balls when she goes down on a guy. That shit’s gotta leave a bruise.

Source

A Brick to that Face Would Yield Better Results

Holy shit, who did Demi Moore screw over so badly in her lifetime that God decided to make her daughter look that chick that crawls out the television screen in “The Ring”?

Actress Rumer Willis ironically enough was in attendance last night at the US Weekly Hot Hollywood 2008 thrown at Eva Longoria’s Beso Resturant in Los Angeles, California.

It’s a good thing my hot ass wasn’t invited, because I think I would have taken a scissor to that weave and a nail file to that chin.

More photos after the jump!

Click for more!

With A Little Help From My Friends

Rumer Willis and her unidentified shemale friend were photographed at Urth Cafe in West Hollywood yesterday.

Good thing her shemale friend held her arm while crossing the street. Otherwise who knows what might have happened. Someone might have confused her with a squirrel and run her over.

Aw, that was mean. Squirrels are much cuter than Rumer Willis could ever become. Even with a chin reduction and breast implants.