Courtney Love Will Be the New Queen of Venezuela

Weird scene alert: Venezuelan president and garbage-disposal mouth Hugo Chavez (the garbage comes from his brain and gets all chopped and screwed and sprayed out his mouth, is how that image is supposed to work in your head.  Also in Canada, they call it a “garburator.”  A seriously Canadian person told me that.) was smooching various celebrity behinds at the premiere of Oliver Stone’s new documentary South of the Border.  Susan Sarandon was there, and Danny Glover, and Shia f*cking LaBeouf!  Talk about your Fantasy Celebrityball team.  But Hugo Chavez only had eyes for one lucky lady: Courtney Love…  

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Courtney Love Already Suing "Guitar Hero" Over Wacky Kurt Cobain Character

Of course I had a Nirvana phase.  They’re just a band that does that to you.  Cobain and co. usually get you in mid-to-late high school, when you’re feeling restless and dissatisfied and generally caged in.  The guys had a sense of humor though.  Cobain wrote “I Hate Myself and Want To Die” to poke fun at his media image as a sad sack longhair.  He ultimately kind of ruined the punchline there, but still.  Hard to think he’d be laughing about the new Guitar Hero 5, though, in which he’s a playable avatar.

The game’s career mode has the animated Nirvana frontman sing Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name, yell Flava Flav’s catch phrase and do Bush karaoke.

Indeed, why would Kurt Cobain even yell, “FLAVA FLAAAAV!!”?  It just don’t sit right.  So as you might imagine, Courtney Love has been fumbling through pages of phone books, take-out menus, and Dianetics, looking for someone or something to sue over this…  

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Courtney Love Celebrates Independence Day the Courtney Love Way

Hope y’all had yourselves a good American time on the 4th this weekend!  Hot dogs, beers, maybe some kites, definitely a selection of fireworks.  All good American things.  Except maybe the fireworks, which probably came from China.  And the kites were probably hecho en Mexico, actually.  And the hot dogs really could have come from anywhere.

I guess what I’m saying is that Courtney Love is a better American than you are.  Can you guess how she celebrated this nation’s independence?  

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Courtney Love Is Running a BlackBerry Smuggling Ring with AmEx's Money!

The recession is tough on everyone, but lipstick and Valium aren’t getting any cheaper!  This seems to be causing financial headaches for Courtney Love, and by “financial headaches,” I mean $$352,659.67 in credit card debt, according to American Express.

But now her lawyer is fighting back.  As he told TMZ:

“AmEx knows the claim has no merit. We have told them this for a long time. AmEx’s lax policies allowed fraudulent transactions to be charged to my client’s card.”

AmEx should have known that his client’s card would be choked with purchases of Halloween costumes and rare squirrels, and they should have done something about that.  It is not his client’s fault that that happened.  But where did the money really go?  The answer may lie on Courtney Love’s blog:  

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Your Daily Fug: Courtney Love's Junkie Legs

The only person alive with creepy junkie legs and still hitting up the party circuit is my favorite mess, Courtney Love.  She’s also Your Daily Fug, again.  Geeze, we should call this Courtney Love Presents Your Daily Fug since it’s her third time this week.  It won’t be her last, so soak up the fug.  DO IT!>>>

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Your Daily Fug! Courtney Love's Crazy Face is Much Appreciated

These disastrous photos of plastic surgery-addict Courtney Love arriving at a BAFTAS after-party perfectly illustrates that with age does not always come wisdom.

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Your Daily Fug!

Here is model citizen Courtney Love shopping in Malibu, California this past Sunday with a big smile on her face, and methamphetamines (undoubtedly) coursing through her veins.

The sun gods must be really angry with us, and have thus decided to punish us, because why else would we have endure exposure to Amy Winehouse topless and a Courtney Love upskirt moment one day to the next?

It’s not disgusting because they’re unattractive, so much as it’s because they’re junkies. Let’s face it, crazies like these have the imagination to inject crack into their most private regions. We needn’t see any proof of such physical abuse? They should contact Dr. 90210. I hear vaginoplasties are his third most popular plastic surgery. Yeesh.

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Need to grow some hair on your coconuts? Daring to stare at Courtney’s face will do the trick. Chia Pet-action this way>>>

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Kim Kardashian Mouths Back at Courtney Love

While us hard working citizens of the world took a break to stuff our pretty little faces with Christmas cheer and alcohol, the ever-delicate Courtney Love took a break from hitting the crack pipe to accuse Kim Kardashian‘s brother of a hate-crime via a blog on her MySpace page.

Courtney alleges Robert Kardashian, Jr. hit one of her employees, calling him a “faggot.” She wrote, “Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge.”

Kim Kardashian has come to her little brother’s rescue, defending him on her blog. She writes:

“A lot of what she wrote doesn’t even make much sense and doesn’t follow a clear train of thought,” Kardashian wrote. “At one point she says Brody was there too and that someone yelled discriminatory expletives against gay people, but I honestly can’t figure out who she is accusing because her writing is so bad.”

Kardashian continued: “All I know is that both Brody and Rob didn’t do anything close to what Ms. Love has described.”

She added: “We will forward this terrible nonsense to our attorneys.”

If I may, I’d like to say that, while Courtney probably hallucinated the entire situation, people have to realize that sometimes others don’t like you, not because your black or white, straight or gay, but because your an asshole. Too many people have a chip on their shoulder.

Now, I’m not saying hate crimes don’t exist, because they do and they are awful awful awful and should not be tolerated in the least.  Still, all too often I’ve heard people b!tch and moan about being hated for their nationality, skin-coloring, or sexuality, when really they’re just so effing annoying even others of their same background and beliefs don’t like them. Why? Because they’re a-holes.

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To see full pics Kim Kardashian’s 2009 Calendar, click

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Your Daily Fug

Anyone that wants to argue with me about Courtney Love looking like a monster can meet me behind the bar around the corner from my house so I can kick your ass.  Jesus, crazy Courtney has had so many unnecessary surgical procedures that she currently looks like Michael Meyers mask in Halloween.  Well, I guess if this is your idea of perfection you can rent Halloween and jerk off for hours, that or pick up a broken down hooker off skid row.  They’re all the same thing.

Although, you could give her a pass if crazy is your deal.  Courtney isn’t just your run of the mill loony tunes.  She’s full blown, play with your poop, talking in tongues out-of-her-mind.  So you know she’d totally let you fuck her in the ass.  Well, that and it was highly documented by Kurt Cobain that she liked in the poop shoot.  Amen.

Your Daily Fug!

Courtney Love took a break from hitting the crack pipe at her friendly dealer’s drug den to find the answer to her woes in Malibu earlier this week.

Seen perusing a book on the healing powers of crystal meth, as well as few others on the laws of attraction and alcoholism, it was right then and there that Courtney decided she was going to make a change for the best and quit doing drugs.

Well, after one last hit. Just one last run and night of binging and that’s it. She couldn’t just walk away and never have one last moment with her precious pipes.  It’s not about her. It’s about them. The pipes. It wouldn’t be fair to them. One last slow dance before the final kiss of death is planted.

Goodbye, Courtney. Goodbye.

Image Sources: Celebslam, Splash