Ashlee Simpson Wants Your Attention

Dwindling pop star Ashlee Simpson tempted us with some sweet cleavage while in the company of Pete Wentz earlier this week.

They look delish, but I think I’ll pass.  I don’t need to suck on anything that’s been sprinkled with Pete’s jizz.

Papa Joe In Needs of Serious Reality Check

While I understand that Ashlee and Jessica Simpson might sincerely love music and film, the truth of the matter is that neither of them have maintained successful because of their talents.

Despite Jessica’s vocal capabilities, she’s stayed in the spotlight because of her good looks. Ashlee has remained relevant merely because she’s somewhat attractive filler who is fun to make fun of. But no one cares about her movie career, nor her musical career.

So the idea that Papa Joe is fishing for a $1 million deal to get Ashlee Simpson on the cover of a tabloid magazine is just absolutely laughable.

The details via Page Six:

A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.”

“The deal would include photos of Ashlee – taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money – an interview and photos of the baby when she has it,” our source said.

Sadly, there is some interest – but not for anything close to $1 million.

One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch “$60,000 maybe – but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee’s lucky she got pregnant, frankly.”

But even with the marriage announcement, “Joe has an unrealistic expectation of what Ashlee can command,” the editor said.

No one buys magazines to see Ashlee Simpson. At least not enough to pony up $1 million. Maybe if there were photos of Pete giving her a money shot, and even then her face would look so disgusted by the act that what’s the point?

Jessica Simpson Jealous of Sister Ashlee

Jessica Simpson‘s life hasn’t turned out quite the way she’d expected, it seems.

Not only has her music career fizzled out, but she’s already been divorced once and has seemingly jumped from relationship to relationship since her split from Nick Lachey back in 2005.

To make matters worse, now lil’ sis Ashlee Simpson is engaged and reportedly knocked-up.

“Jessica never imagined that her tom-boy younger sister would have a baby first,” the insider explains. “It would be very hard for her not to be jealous.”

Friends say Jess has longed for a baby for years and has said on numerous occasions that she can’t wait to be a mom. But following her very public divorce from ex Nick Lachey that dream was put on hold.

“Jessica couldn’t be happier for her sister but still can’t help feeling jealous,” the source tells OK!. “She’d love to be planning a wedding with a baby on the way.”

I love the fact that this bimbo totally broke Nick Lachey’s heart and somehow we’re supposed to be sorry for her.

Plus, Ashlee is knocked-up with Pete Wentz‘s sperm. The f—- flatirons his hair. What the hell is there to be jealous about?

Source, SplashNews

More photos after the jump!

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Ashlee Simpson Failed to Swallow, Now Knocked-Up

Remember when Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson put up that gay-ass video of them saying she was having a baby in July? Well, apparently they weren’t joking.

Buzz up! Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com.

The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.

Simpson and the Fall Out Boy frontman announced their engagement Wednesday.

“We are thrilled to confirm their engagement and congratulate this happy couple,” a spokesperson for the couple told Us. “Beyond that there is nothing to say.”

Simpson’s rep had no comment.

Apparently, he somehow managed to get a boner long enough to stick his penis into her vagina. I’m guessing they did it doggie style. That way he could pretend it was one of his mascara-wearing, rainbow-loving fans.

I hold Bret Michaels personally responsible for the birth of Fall Out Boy, not The Ramones as I’m sure they’d claim.

It’s been over a decade since Poison and all the other makeup wearing Sunset Strip hair-metal bands of the ’80s peaked and still we gotta put up with their garbage of a legacy.

Below, photos of Ashlee’s Wet Seal fashion line promos.

Congratulations?

Ashlee Simpson posted a message on the friendsorenemies website confirming rumors that her and boyfriend Pete Wentz were engaged. The 23-year-old wrote,

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes — it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and hear it straight from us.”

Aw, now they can iron each other’s hair forever!

I can’t wait for her to get knocked-up.  The look of shock on her face when that baby pops out of her cavity without a perfect nose is going to be priceless.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s born with a flat iron in one hand and a scalpel in the other.  Perfect noses aren’t genetic when they come from a surgeon!

Source

Ashlee Simpson's Voice Sucks AND She's a Pain

According to Page Six, Ashlee Simpson‘s dad tried to get his crappy-ass singer of a daughter on Saturday Night Live again, but they turned her down. No, not because she’s a lip-synching wannabe, but because she was “a pain” — presumably in “the ass.”

Meanwhile I want to know why all these Hollyweird bimbos insist on adorning their hands with such kitschy crap?

See what I’m talking about here, here, and here.

Who wants to get a handjob by the equivalent of Hello Kitty?

Nickelodeon's 2008 Kids' Choice Awards Gallery

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Cameron Diaz

Amber Valleta

Rihanna

Jessica Alba

Ashlee Simpson

Miley Cyrus

Hayden Panettiere

America Ferrera

More photos after the jump!

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Ashlee Simpson Is Fashionable, Just Look at that Hat!

If one more person makes fun of Ashlee Simpson I might have to come over and pummel them with my ginormous German-made dildo.

And for the record, Ashlee was not drunk or high during that radio interview. No siree. I mean, sure, Ashlee was high on life, but who isn’t?!

This girl has the voice of the holiest of angels and could stop a bullet with one single note. That’s right. Ashlee’s voice is that good.

I mean, just look at her. The girl is wearing a ridiculous, I mean, gorgeous hat in a pool! Oh, that Ashlee. She’s so fashionably on point. I can feel your envy of her all the way over here.

Here’s Asshole Simpson and Pubic Wentz on vaycay in Jamaica earlier this week. That’s right, I said vaycay.

More photos after the jump!

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Congratulations, Papa Joe!!!

While on Fuse TV’s The Sauce, recording artist Ashlee Simpson clarified rumors she was knocked up with boyfriend Pete Wentz’s baby saying, “No, I’m not pregnant.”  

But that wasn’t her only announcement.  The 23-year-old clarified rumors she was engaged and explained her diamond ring was actually a promise from Pete.  She quickly covered her bases saying, “It just means that he hasn’t asked my Dad yet…”

People still ask the parents? Huh.

Well, congratulations, I guess.  You know what they say, a couple that flat irons together, stays together!

Ashlee Simpson Doesn't Swallow, Wentz Still Gay

Ashlee Simpson might be pregnant, which proves what I’ve thought all along: Girlfriend isn’t a fan of the salty goodness that is delicious gooey jizz flowing down one’s throat. Prude.

Via her gay boyfriend Pete Wentz’ stupid ass blog:

Asshole number one (i.e., Pete): So I was thinking, what can Pete Wentz the celebrity do to make a difference? What can Ashlee Simpson do to make a difference?

I was thinking Africa, something with Africa. But Africa seems too f^cking hot. Besides, what do I get out of doing something for Africa? Then I was thinking of doing something for Katrina over in New Orleans, but they’d only fly me in coach.

But the biggest problem facing out generation is the illegal download of music. And then I thought, I know what I’ll do, I’ll make a fucking baby. Because you can’t download a baby.

So here’s our answer on how to make the world a better place.

Asshole number two (i.e., Ashlee): Baby, get me my Cheetos!

Asshole number one: Street date, July 2008.

FYI, I wasn’t the one to call them asshole one and two. They chose that for themselves. I’m sure they think it’s ironic or some bull because in all reality they’re so uber cool, but they’d be mistaken.

The rumor of Ashlee’s pregnancy is further fueled by rumors the couple is engaged. This comes after camera’s caught sight of what’s thought to be an engagement ring during an album signing of hers yesterday.

Me? I think it’s all a publicity stunt to help her crappy album. Honestly, do you know single person who wants this album? Exactly.

See the video of their pregnancy announcement here.

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