Kid Makes YouTube Video To Get Maxim Model Prom Date

I’m not going to knock this kid’s hustle! Seventeen-year-old Conner Cordova decided that the teeny boppers at his high school in Colorado were just not up to snuff to be his prom date. So he did what any normal teenager looking for a date would do: he made a YouTube video and pleaded with a Maxim magazine model to go with him. This would have been super lame if it didn’t work. Find out what he did to get this hottie to agree to take him out after the jump.

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Fun For the Whole Family: Boob and Booty Confetti

So probably not the best idea for a kid’s birthday party, but this adult confetti will bring a little joy to any pervy festivity. Not just your run of the mill party decoration, this confetti is made of shredded porn and nudie magazines. If you’re looking for a little naked fun, then adult confetti maybe just the mood setter you’re looking for.

Via: The Frisky via NOTCOT

Man Promises Girlfriend $100,000 to Not Use Drugs, Hit Up the Strip Club

…And he’s actually surprised she took him up on the offer! Find out more after the jump.

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Six-Year-Old Pummels Kids

In one of my favorite clips, check out this six-year-old as he proceeds to knock several kids right on their asses. Normally, I don’t laugh when children fall down, but I think I’m making an exception with this.

Please note the incessant chuckling in the background.

Cool New Trick To Impress Your Friends! Involves Shoes and Wine!

Skip to about halfway through the video, watch it, and don’t ever say I never did anything for you.

Are these guys speaking Russian?  I think they are, because in Soviet Russia… drinking has YOU problem!

Actually no, it works the same way over there as it does here.  But speaking of problems, has anyone been watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew?  Those people have a really problematic amount of sex!  They’re like, “It’s ruining my life, the fact that I have sex with so many women all the time.”  On the one hand, addiction is a very serious and traumatic psychological condition suffered by millions of Americans every day.  On the other hand, f*ck you, xtreme athlete who wears sunglasses inside and brings his damn surfboard to rehab.

Via VideoSift.

Tom Morello's Career Path Logically Proceeds From "Stripper" to "Guitarist for Rage Against the Machine"

Tom Morello, legendary Rage Against the Machine axe man, was once a young musician out there trying to get the paper as best he could.  And as it happens, they hand out quite a bit of paper at your friendly local Scores VIP Lounge.  Says he:

When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable [ed: uh?]. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. ‘Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do.

A Harvard degree, guitar virtuosity, and an azz like a model?  ”Literally starving.”  Psh.  Tom Morello could make money on the moon.  More hilarity, ATJ.  

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Don't Make Mischa Barton Start Bringing Her Gat to the Club Again

Let me be the first to admit that this is not a story.  It is just a series of vaguely nonsense details describing the type of non-event that happens in a bar and you retell it the next day, excitedly, as though it were an event, but it is not.  You always do this, and no one wants to hear your stupid stories!

People want to hear Mischa Barton‘s stories, though.  (Literally.  People literally want to know about the things that Mischa Barton does.  Think about that.)  Anyway, Mischa Barton got in a bar fight over Halloween!  It was so crazy!  After the jump.  

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Sexless Man Sues Over Lack of "Axe Effect"

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called “The Faking News,” which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is “Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?” so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment!

The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We’ve all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It’s a total girl!  When I open the door, she’s like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking!

But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn’t work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for ”depression and psychological damage” after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success…  

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Celebrities Kind of Suck at Halloween: A Gallery of the Worst

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt

When you’re answering a job posting on Craigslist for “celebrity needed,” the requirements you have to meet are pretty lax, actually.  ”Some or no education,” “discreet at pre-noon drinking,” “have a face that magazine camera scientists can work with,” “can sign own name,” etc.

So should we really expect celebrities to come up with incisive, topical, and funny costumes for Halloween, considering the requisite celebrity skill set?  The answer is yes, because 1) some of these people have a good sense of humor or at least a good wardrobe guy, right? and 2) all of these people have so much damn money that they can waltz into a costume store and declare, “Hi, I’m Jamie Foxx, and for Halloween, I am going to be the recently unveiled experimental Ares IX Mars rocket.  The costume should be made entirely of regulation NASA parts, and I think it goes without saying that there should also be a motorized launchpad.  Please have it ready by 4.”  So really, there’s no excuse for these q-side Halloween get-ups.  Annotated gallery of the worst of celebrity Halloween (plus a few of the best), after the jump.  

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World's Biggest Cruise Ship Sets Sail

At sixteen stories, Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas is 50% bigger than the next-biggest cruise liner in the world.  ”A turf-covered chip and putt course, the world’s first open-air amphitheater, two surfing simulators, twenty-one swimming pools, and a zipwire.”  Also an indoor basketball court, a shopping mall, an “adults-only solarium,” and a carousel.  That’s what’s up.  This colossus can hold 6,000 passengers, runs 1,600 feet long, and cost $1.5 billion to construct.  We’re getting to the point when the question must be asked: at what size does it stop being “a ship” and start being “movable Jamaica”?

The Oasis left its shipyard in Finland today, on its way to Miami, its future port of departure.  Video of this giant seaborne wedding cake, plus the best amenity of all, after the jump.  

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