In Future News: Science Plays the Guitar [Video]

It’s official. We no longer need you and your guitar lessons, we now have science.

Leave it to the Japanese for finding out how to get laid in high school without having any discernible talent. They invented the PossessedHand, which can only be described as a device that can “move your fingers into the proper positions to play musical instruments.” Yes, we needed one of those. Because learning to play the guitar the traditional way was just too hard.

How it works, complete with video, after the jump!

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Robots Shooting Arrows Seriously Concern Me (VIDEO)

Is it me, or does the prospect of a robot being trained to shoot arrows seem like a really, really bad idea. Find out more about these potentially dangerous piles of metal after the jump.

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Another Piece of Scientific Genius: The Heineken Robot

It’s so refreshing to know that great scientific minds are putting their efforts and talents to good use! This beer-delivering little gem was presented at the Kinetica Art Fair in London. A group at Middlesex University came up with this gadget that responds to a simple wave of a hand. To get the Heineken Bot to refill your empty cup, simply wave your hand over its sensor and put the your glorious beer chalice in its hand and watch as the robot fills her up! Once finished and you are happily satiated with the taste of cerveza, the robot continues to move around the room in a preprogrammed path.

Wow, this would make keg parties so much more interesting, but they might make keg stands slightly more dangerous.

Via: Engadget

Robot Body Pillow Is a Freak in the Bed

In some parts of the world, it is basically acceptable to silkscreen the naked cartoon body of a prepubescent girl onto your pillowcase and love it up like you’ll never love again (a likelihood not even that hard to imagine, when your Saturday night gal is a pillow).  However, it looks like pillow buddies are about to move from the dank and blacklit closets of Japan right into your own home!  With designer Stefan Ulrich’s Funktionide,

An “emotional robot” that changes form depending on how you hold it. Combined with advanced robotics, this could yield something that is soft, cuddly, humanoid, and capable of intelligent conversation. Yes, and it breathes.

Like I don’t have intelligent enough conversations with my household objects.  Video of a man demonstrating positions you can use on the vibrating bang-pillow, after the jump.  Pretty weird!  

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In 20 Years, We Will All Be Virtual-Sexing Cyborgs That Live Forever

Ray Kurzweil, author, engineer, and all-around Science Guy (this is actually an academic laurel one can earn a la “Juris Doctor”), has lately taken to prophesying about the brave new robot-controlled future ahead of us.  But it’s OK that the future will belong to robots.  Because the robots… will be us.

“I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies’ stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever.”

Ray Kurzweil is 61, so you can imagine he’s leaning pretty hard on that Centrum Silver and throwing down some serious diet-and-exercise game right now.  Otherwise, there will not be a more pissed-off man on his deathbed.  But living forever is just one of the advantages of becoming cyborgs.  There’s also the “virtual sex“…  

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Terrifying New Sex Doll Breathes and Has a Pulse

Contrary to Rammstein‘s illustrative suggestion that you can’t get laid in Germany, it now seems you can, pretty easily.  A German company has begun producing the First Android (link NSFW), a new Real-Doll-style sex mannequin that

“can hold multiple sex positions, be ordered to simulate breathing, perform oral sex acts, have a pulse, be equipped with a g-spot that responds to orgasm, and much, much more.” Another First Androids doll, says Scott, “has the most realistic fake areolas I have ever seen, and I’ve seen my fair share.”

Until they make one that can throw its drink in my face, criticize my sexual performance, and then steal my favorite Matchbox cars and leave a note with a phone number that turns out to be for the nearest STD clinic, I WANT NO PART OF IT.  It’s those little things that make actual women special, guys.  These dolls are creating a bit of a stir among internet commentary people, though…  

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80% of the Future Is Robot Bartenders and Robot Hookers

You know what I’m f*cking pumped for?  The future!!

Robot bar staff, hotel rooms that change colour, cruise ships as big as aircraft carriers and even robot sex are part of the future for travellers, a tourism conference has been told….

“You’ll have some sort of interaction in terms of robots doing certain types of mundane activities.”

Does that include sex interactions?  The future says yes!  

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More Geek Stuff Surfaces This Weekend

Star Wars was giving geeks boners all over Comic Con this weekend.  While trying to walk across the floor at Comic Con I got caught up in the Star Wars traffic and almost had to commit suicide.  Luckily, I used kung-fu to bust my way through and get to the other side.  For all those people incapable to breaking their gaze away from Star Wars, I bring you Star Wars:  The Musical.

Check out the video after the jump>>>

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Drinking Gasoline: Will It Make You Into a Transformer?

Look, I like to watch supersized robots battle each other for the fate of the planet as much as the next fellow.  But would I want that life, myself?  A 14-year old from the Sichuan province in China decided five years ago that he was not content with merely being supportive of the Transformers and what they do – he wanted to become a Transformer.  To imbue himself with the noble prarie spirit of the Ford Probe, he began drinking the elixir of mechanical life, that Denali Drank, that Riyadh Red Label:

“But afterwards we found our motorcycle’s gasoline was always disappearing, and one day when we found the boy drinking half a bottle of gasoline stolen from the motorcycle, we were too shocked to say anything,” the father said.

Well one thing you could say might be, “Hey, stop drinking that gasoline!”  But the damage may be done…  

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Michael Bay Made Megan Fox Wash His Ferrari Before Casting Her in "Transformers"

Every day seems to bring ever more delightful news of the antics of Transformers director Michael Bay.  Last week, he dropped the now-oft-quoted gem that

Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in “Armageddon.” Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did “Transformers”—and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from “Bad Boys.” Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in “Transformers.” I like to think that I’ve had some luck in building actors’ careers with my films.

Which is funny because it is both inaccurate and because he cobbled together a pretty b-grade set of thespians for his “I made you” list, each of whom has appeared in between 0 and 1 good movies, none of those directed by Michael Bay.  Now word comes that as part of the casting process for Transformers, he videoed Megan Fox washing his Ferrari…  

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