Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails: From the Alamagoozlum to the Zombie and Beyond – 100 Rediscovered Recipes and the Stories Behind Them has a really long title, but is an awesome investment. More after the jump.

This $14 find is perfect for anyone interested in a little historical boozin.’ With recipes from the speakeasy and saloon era, the book will make you feel as if you’re actually learning something when you’re rolling around on the ground completely shwasted.

Via: Uncrate

Leave it to the US of A to dominate in a sport that has no athletic value whatsoever. Find out more after the jump.

The American team took top honors in the sixth annual 42BELOW Cocktail World Cup in New Zealand. The five-day competition pitted 24 bartenders from seven countries against one another who were vying for the title of best bartender in the world. But Team USA’s trio of cocktail geniuses, Mark Stoddard, Todd Thrasher and Sean Hoard, annihilated the competition with their drink called “I Have Too Much Thyme on My Hands Right Now at This Point in My Life.” Admittedly, the name is kind of long, but the drink itself sounds pretty awesome as it mixes “42BELOW Pure, apple bitters, lime thyme syrup and an artichoke aperitif.”

Coming in second was Team France who created both a drink as well as a dessert for their presentation. Ok France, always trying to one-up everyone. But French pastries aside, the US can now hold its head up high that we have the most skilled drink slingers in the world. Other countries pride themselves on gold medals or stunning academic achievements. I think we have them all beat with this honor.

Check out the winning recipe and recreate the boozy magic:

30 mls (1 oz) 42BELOW vodka

15 mls (1/2 oz) aritchoke aperitif

45 mls (1 1/2 oz) lime thyme syrup

Liberal dash of apple bitters

Compressed apple thyme balls to garnish

Via: EarthTimes

If you’re stuck consuming gluttonous amounts of food while family and in-laws drive you within an inch of your sanity as some badass child flips on Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving Special instead of watching the Giants take on the Broncos, we have something for you.

In the spirit of our great nation’s annual celebration of stealing Native American land, while stuffing our faces with all the Thanksgiving trimmings, New York tavern owner Paul Hurley has created what he calls the first 100-proof turkey. According to the Associated Press, Hurley will infuse his birds with fruit-flavored, 100-proof vodka for three days before cooking it. As if that wouldn’t do the alcoholic trick, Hurley will then add a liquor-tinged gravy to the turkey as well.

To prevent drinking and driving, Hurley’s tavern is offering free taxi rides for those chowing down on their special boozed-up turkeys.

Via: Yahoo

For prisoners in Dorset, UK, the swine flu outbreak was like Christmas Eve, if all your richest friends had a joint bachelor party on Christmas Eve.  It was the best outbreak ever!  In the spirit of swine flu, the wardens gave the prisoners the best gift of all: an innocuous everyday item that can be misused as a weapon and/or intoxicant.  In this case, antibacterial hand sanitizer.

The Guardian reported in August that the NHS was aware of a rising number of cases of patients with drink or drug problems stealing the £10-a-litre gel and mixing it with orange juice, Lucozade or cola to create powerful cocktails.

Unfortunately, the party was broken up by the cops…  

…after at least one prisoner was found intoxicated.  The prison officers took away all the hand gel.  Now no one gets to enjoy it, great.  Just because Jim couldn’t hold his hand gel.  Let’s hope it was an honest mistake, and not the work of some killjoy narc.  No one likes a narc!  Narcs are totally the least popular inmates in the entire prison population, if popularity is measured in eardrums that have not been stabbed out with a toothbrush.

Source: The Guardian.

50 Cent is like the Google of the rap world.  He may not be good at every venture he undertakes (like “making rap music”), but the man is completely indefatigable about having an iron in every fire possible.  Guy is addicted to the hustle.  His agents are like, “50, you have a million bajillion dollars, you don’t need to develop and market a line of perfumes.  Ladies don’t want to smell like you!”  It’s not about the money, agents.  50 Cent book?  In stores soon (check the “Self Help: Slangin’” section).  50 Cent couture?  Look out the window, we blew by that miles ago.  Now we’re on 50 Cent moisturizer for men, 50 Cent vitamin supplements, 50 Cent limited edition half-dollar coin with certificate of authenticity from the U.S. Mint.

And with today’s appearance on Rachael Ray, 50 Cent looks poised to move on the gourmet cooking/kitchenware market as well…  

From Ray’s website:

Mention his nickname “50 Cent” and all sorts of things come to mind: award-winning rapper, movie star, clothing entrepreneur, author … is there anything he’d like to tackle next? “You know what I was thinking,” he tells Rachael, “maybe 50Cent/Rachael Ray ‘Tougher Tupperware?’”

“I’d be into that!” laughs Rachael.

Do your leftovers always get spoiled in the fridge by bullets?  Bam: 50 Cent Bulletproof Tupperware.  Rachel Ray thinks they’re just joking around, but 50′s at the urinal during the commercial break, talking on his BlueTooth like, “Get me on the phone with Glad right now… Hello, president of Glad, this is 50 Cent, CEO of 50 Centerprises…”

Also:

Does anyone still call him by his birth name?

“My grandmother,” he admits with a blush, “right when she wants me to take out the garbage!”

Oh, that guy.

Source: Rachel Ray.

Light beer, tomato juice, and clam extract?  Sounds like a party – a party that I would leave immediately and stand in the yard telling other guest arrivals how much it sucked inside.  But apparently the Budweiser (or Bud Light) and Clamato Chelada somehow got out approved by Anheuser-Busch tastemakers, because it’s out there for the buying.  (You know the folks at Clamato were not the limiting factor in green-lighting this partnership, because they had basically met every need that existed in the market for tomato juice with with a funny clam essence in it.  The demand for gross pasta sauces and Bloody Marys that taste worse than regular Bloody Marys remains pretty much static.)

Anyway, Chelada.  Some say it is bad, but just because an opinion is correct doesn’t mean you have to have it!  One especially vehement gent disagrees:  

From the Beer In Food comments section:

clamato is the next best thing to a woman it is the best stuff i ever drank if Budweiser stops making it i believe i would have to sue them. as a matter of the fact Budweiser does not manufacture enough of it here in eastern KY. it is a hard item to find i go miles out of the way to find it. what jimsey stated in comment 1 my brother inlaw said the same thing. funny thing he is hooked on it now.

His brother-in-law didn’t like it at first, but now he is literally addicted to it!  There’s your sales pitch, Budweiser!

Via The Awl.

If you’re anything like me, you go to Ben & Jerry’s, eat your ice cream, and then fill out all the comment cards with “NEEDS MORE VIAGRA AND LIQUOR” and put them in the “How Are We Doing?” box.  So you’ll be relieved to learn that someone out there was listening.  At a place in London called The Icecreamists, you can get this:

Entitled The Sex Pistol, this bespoke creation is served as an ice cream cocktail and it’s claimed to have similar effects to the libido-boosting drug Viagra. It contains ingredients such as ginkgo, biloba, arginine and guarana and is served with a shot of the highly intoxicating La Fee Absinthe, so it’s guaranteed to get your blood pumping. Customers are limited to one serving per person.

Servers also have to be especially careful about keeping orders straight.  ”Wait, chocolate with gummy worms – this isn’t what I ordered.  Oh well.  But if I got the chocolate with gummy worms ice cream, who got my sexual stimulant with hallucinogenic liquor ice cream?  Oh God, where’s Timmy?!”  

Matt O’Connor, founder of The Icecreamists, says: “This is the perfect après shopping treat. Just one Sex Pistol will leave you feeling energised and confident – but please, don’t pester the staff!”

Also, the article calls it “vice cream.”  Hello, new business idea!  ”Welcome to Vice Cream, where all your vices are ice cream.”  ”Thanks, can I please have a scoop of Mad Dog Bacon Xanax and a scoop of Pornography Intemperance Sloth?”

Source: The London Paper via Nerve.

Kentucky Fried Chicken has always claimed that no mortal man may gaze upon the recipe of 11 secret herbs and spices that shimmer on the crispy skin of its chicken and lodge in the arteries of so many Americans like big fatty delicious fallen trees blocking a swiftly flowing river current.  But one man did not accept this.

He tried bribing the cooks.  He tried claiming that his wife had severe allergies and needed to know the ingredients in food.  The Colonel stood firm: some secrets must never be revealed.  Yet “avid cook and Kentucky Fried Chicken fan” (oxymoron alert there?) Ron Douglas claims to have deciphered the KFC code…  

The decision has so far paid off: Douglas scored a deal with Simon & Schuster, which published his “America’s Most Wanted Recipes” earlier this month. The book includes a recipe for KFC’s 11 herbs and spices — which Douglas says he discovered after six attempts.

“The exact recipe has never been released,” Douglas admitted, “but mine comes really, really close. I kept trying, and with the help of the online community, we figured out a recipe that’s so good most people can’t tell the difference.”

But the KFC executives responded, “Baha.  Bahahaha!  BAHAHAHAHA!  Foolish Ron Douglas, you will be brought low by your hubris!  You think you know the KFC secret recipe?  You cannot even comprehend what it feels like to be in the same building as One Who Knows the secret recipe.  Have you felt the thousand beatific suns shining directly on your face and yours alone, Ron Douglas?  Have you witnessed the eleven ancient scrolls of the Book of Sanders unfurl at the exact same time as if by the hand of God, all emblazoned in the many-hued language of Truth with a script of the purest light in the visible universe?

You have not.

“Colonel Sanders’ Secret Recipe of 11 herbs and spices is one of the most famous recipes in the world, and the precautions taken to safeguard the identity of the ingredients are second to none,” said Rick Maynard, a KFC spokesman. “Plenty of people have tried to duplicate the recipe over the years [but all have failed!], but there is still only one place to get authentic Original Recipe Chicken — at a KFC restaurant.”

Do you know what else you can get at a KFC restaurant?  Hepatitis, but also the new $5 Fill-Up Box, a delicious chicken-and-grease-based entree paired with a side of your choice and a fountain soda or High C for if you’re too much of a p*ssy to drink a carbonated drink.

That is only $5!  I would eat there every day if I didn’t want to live to 30/didn’t live in stupid hipster anti-corporate-chain organic-food-genuflecting PETA-fellating vegan woman paradise Brooklyn.  I swear to God there’s not so much as a f*cking Quiznos in my neighborhood.

Source: MSNBC.

The 4th (tomorrow!) is kind of a beer holiday, and I wanted to bring you a red-white-and-blue beer recipe today, but the issue is, that doesn’t exist.  Because you do have, independently, red beer and white beer, but of course strictly speaking both those beers are brown and… look, how about RWB sangria?  If you throw on some Springsteen, nobody’s going to question your allegiance to big beautiful America.  And also, novelty drinks are as American as Mel Gibson.  ATJ, recipes for a festively patriotic set of sangrias…  

Red Sangria Recipe

Use tasty but inexpensive medium-bodied wine such as Merlot or Zinfandel. This is not the time to whip out the expensive stuff. Same thing can be said about the orange liquor, Triple Sec will do just fine. Save your Grand Marnier or Cointreau for the margaritas.

1 orange, sliced thin

1 lemon, sliced thin

½ cup raspberries

¼ cup sugar

1 bottle of red wine

½ cup fresh orange juice

¼ cup orange liquor

In a large non-reactive bowl, very gently mash the citrus with the sugar. The idea here is to release the essential oils from the skin of the citrus while letting the sugar dissolve.

Add the wine, orange juice and orange liquor. Stir until the sugar is totally dissolved.

Cover with plastic wrap and let it sit in the chill box for at least a couple hours. The longer you let it sit the more incorporated and intense the flavors will be, so do not skip this step!

Stir before serving to redistribute the fruit.  Pour over ice, serve and enjoy!

White Sangria Recipe

Again, the same principal as the red sangria, use inexpensive light to medium white wine such as Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio. You can substitute lemon/lime soda (7up, Sprite, etc) for ginger ale. When using an acidic wine like Sauvignon, the soda helps to mellow out both the acidity and the booziness and, overall, brightens the flavor.

1 lemon, sliced thin

1 cup white peaches, sliced

1 cup melon, cubed

¼ cup sugar

1 bottle of white wine

¼ cup orange liquor

2 cups ginger ale

In a large non-reactive bowl, very gently mash lemon and sugar. Then combine the rest of the ingredients (minus the soda) and stir until the sugar has dissolved.

Cover with plastic wrap and chill for a couple hours to let the flavors intensify.

Right before serving, add the soda. Pour over ice, serve and enjoy!

Blue Sangria Recipe

Instead of Triple Sec, I used Blue Curaçao here. Curaçao liqueur is flavored with the dried peels of the laraha citrus fruit. The laraha is much more bitter than the orange, so the liqueur itself has varying degrees of bitterness. In short, it’s orange liquor with blue food coloring.

1 lemon, sliced thin

1 cup grapes

½ cup blueberries

½ cup blackberries

¼ cup sugar

1 bottle of white wine

¼ cup Blue Curaçao

2 cups ginger ale

Follow the steps from the white sangria recipe above, but using the blue sangria ingredient list.

An alternate recipe: line up three shots of gin and drop red and blue food coloring into two of them.  Consume.  RINSE AND REPEAT UNTIL YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE.

Enjoy the weekend!

Source: Wasabi Bratwurst.

Call me normal, but I’ve never really understood the appeal of edible underwear.  It’s like a sex thing where you eat them and thus gain access to the wearer’s crotch, right?  But with regular, inedible underwear, you can just pull them off.  And then you don’t have to eat underwear in the process.  And what do they even taste like?  Cherries?  Underwear?  Genitals?  Not for me, thanks.

Not, that is, unless they tasted like beef jerky.  Now I am listening to your case, edible underwear.  Action pics, ATJ:

From the product site:

We consider these to be the first in “meat haute coutoure”. They are made to order for each specific customer from the highest quality of dried preserved meats we can find at the closest convenience store.  Rumor has it that wearing our BRIEF JERKY undergarments will release their natural pheremones once your body heat and moisture kicks in!

But look at the picture, there’s rhinestones and sh*t all over them.  How am supposed to eat that?

Please keep in mind the Brief Jerky are made out of real untreated jerky! They are way more for “show” than “go”. Brief Jerky is NOT for consumption. If you wear them, please be gentle.

Bonus dealbreaker: they’re for dudes.  But for all you particularly carnivorous ladies out there looking to spend $139 on something meaty and sexy for your man… you could just buy $139 worth of beef jerky and then eat it and then have sex.

Source: Etsy via Geekologie.