Special Review Roundup: The Year's Worst Movie?

Guess what came out in theaters today.  All About Steve, a “romantic” “comedy” starring Sandra Bullock as an loopy but endearing crossword-puzzling loser who stalks a TV anchorman.  Fox Studios’ description:

Sandra Bullock plays eccentric crossword puzzle constructor Mary Horowitz who, after one short blind date, falls for handsome cable news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper).

If I just had to review the movie based on that sentence, I would give it a bad review.  But imagine actually having to sit through a 90-minute interpretation of that sentence – you can see why reviewers would be angry.  This movie has one of the lowest scores on Rotten Tomatoes right now: 5%.  Some of the hilarious reviewer trash-throwing, ATJ:  

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Review Roundup: The Pope Digs the New "Harry Potter and the Neverending Franchise"

Wow, so today marks the wide release of Harry Potter and the Who the F*ck Even Cares Anymore, a movie about wizards and demons and vampires and Austrians.  In the plot, Harry Potter, who is a wizard, fights Lord Voltron, who is a Decepticon (i.e. pro-abortion) and then afterwards he gets it on with Scarlett Johansson, a gossip elf he met at a private school party.  I won’t give away the ending but there is a very touching moment when the houses of Gryffindor and Sotomayor put aside their difference to host the most poignant David Carradine tribute concert of all.

Here is what the reviewers are saying, including… the Pope??

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Review Roundup: Funniest "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" Reviews

Tonight at midnight marks the wide theatrical release of Transformers 2: Megan Fox, the sequel to the movie Transformers 1: Sure, Why Not.  Most major reviews are in already.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen as many reviewers have as much fun writing about a movie as I have here: “It’s like being hit over the head repeatedly with a very expensive, very loud train set.”  Most of the reviews feature an analogy between the viewing experience and being abused with an appliance.  The funniest Transformers metaphors, after the jump.  Watching this movie is…  

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How Brutal Is "Bruno"? A Rundown of the Movie's Most Outrageous Sequences.

Bruno premiered last night in London, and some early reviews are in.  Using the reviews, I’ve put together a list of the outrageous scenes you’ll see in the movie.  It has…

• An attempted seduction of former presidential candidate Ron Paul, which finds him and Bruno in a hotel room and only one of them wearing pants.
• A romp through the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem in Hasidic-style hotpants that ends with an angry mob chase.
• Bruno complimenting an evangelist preacher on his “blowjob lips.”
• Stage moms consenting to let Bruno dress their children as Nazis.

And then there’s “one of the most horrific incidents ever committed to celluloid”…  

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Review Roundup: "The Hangover"

Blackout humor is a little played out, so I was skeptical when I first saw a trailer for The Hangover, the bachelor party in Vegas blackout comedy that’s in theaters today.  What happened last night?  I lost a tooth!  OMG where did this baby come from?  Where did this tiger come from??  Where did this Mike Tyson come from???  Where’s the groom?!!

And yet I laughed, at each one of the like a dozen trailers that the studio has flung at viewers of the types of TV shows I view.  Here’s what reviewers are saying:  

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Happy Hooker Appreciation Day! Review Roundup: "The Girlfriend Experience"

Though it is only released today in a limited number of cinemas, mostly in big cities, the much-talked-about porn-star-acting-as-call-girl crossover flick The Girlfriend Experience does indeed hit theaters today.  In honor of that, we at F-Listed would like you to join us in joyous celebration of… HOOKER APPRECIATION DAY!  Secretaries have an appreciation day.  So do Moms.  Yet has no one thought to honor those other most important women – or perhaps most important “other women” – in our lives?

To you practicing the world’s oldest profession, the most basic yet most difficult yet most crucial job in society at times, today we thank you, prostitutes.  Keep it here at F-Listed for more prostitute-themed content over the course of the day.

First, a review roundup of the movie itself. 

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Review Roundup: Green Day – "21st Century Breakdown"

Green Day’s “21st Century Breakdown” is out today.  What are critics saying?  That its tremendous and huge and smart and angry and just pretty wow.  Most of the reviews, a bit unfairly I think, adopt the angle of, hey how crazy is it that that band that made that song about masturbating a dozen years ago became the best band in the world?  I mean, that’s how the lifespans of major music artists work.  Responding to the times, growing and learning, and such.

Hopefully the ejaculatory reviews were prompted by this being a timeless album rather than just relief at a good album when music at large straight sucks today.  Just because everyone makes that complaint doesn’t mean it’s not true.  Critical opinions, ATJ.

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Review Roundup: Bob Dylan – Together Through Life

At this point, Bob Dylan could release a CD of duets with Fergie and it wouldn’t particularly damage his reputation – he’s probably the most untouchable musician in the world.  But when he releases an album, critical standards for judging it are already very high, higher than even those used on other legends from the era of jukeboxes and penis plaster casts.  (I think Dylan is expected to be new, if not fresh, on every CD in a way that a band like the Rolling Stones are not.)  Together Through Life, Dylan’s latest, is on store shelves today.  I’ve compiled the consensus from a few major critics below. 

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