The One That Got Away

George Clooney never cared that his woman was a “cocktail waitress.”  He really and truly thought Sarah Larson was “the one.”   Apparently he also thought her maternal instincts would never kick in.  He was wrong… and so he sent her packing.

Blind Item via Lainey’s Gossip:

It was an unexpected split. Many were led to believe erroneously, me included, that their end had more to do with his machinations than with hers. As it turns out however the reason behind the break up was the dreaded OverReach. What sent him scrambling were comments like this, dropped casually into conversation: “I forgot my pill.” “I’m a few days late.” And then calling his family, chatting them up, hinting at the prospect of a baby, raising their hopes that a grandchild would be in their future. It’s the betrayal that disappointed him most. Apparently he wasted no time putting an end to her plans, pretty much standing over her while she packed up, sending her away with not even a glance back. He’s been drowning his sorrows in cocktails ever since. Not alone, of course but it was definitely a disappointment. He’d intended to keep her around for a long time. Especially given the fact that he was still able to have his fun on the side. It’s not every day you find a girl who’s ok with extra curricular activities so long as she’s the only one who gets a set of keys. In the end though, her greed brought an end to the sweet ride. Shelf Ass Jessica Biel could stand to learn a thing or two from this example. Overreaching prompts a steep fall.

The man should have just slipped her a roofie and taken her to get an IUD.  She would have been none the wiser and baby free.  Mwuahahaha!

Or better yet, they should have just stuck to doing anal every day.  Sure, her asshole would be so stretched out she’d probably shit when she tried to fart, but that’s the just the price he’d have to pay for true love!

More photos after the jump!

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Blind Item

This has got to be one of the best Blind Item’s I’ve ever read. Not the Jessica Simpson one; the Whoopi Goldberg one.

The guess wasn’t mine, it was posted on another site, but the mental picture of Whoopi watching QVC all day I find to be both hilarious and upsetting all at the same time.  I love Whoopi!  I mean, “Sister Act”?.. I loved that movie when I was a little girl!

Crazy Days & Nights (06/04)

#1 – What does this female talk show host/ B list actress enjoy doing on her weekends more than anything? How about sitting in front of her television all weekend and ordering jewelery from home shopping channels. Thousands and thousands of dollars worth. And the funny thing is she doesn’t really wear any, she just likes the shows and buying.

Whoopi Goldberg

#2 – Despite reports to the contrary, what really broke up this celebrity couple was not interference but rather the fact that when our female got home one night her boyfriend was waiting for her. While she was digging for the keys in her purse, a torn condom wrapper came fluttering out. Considering she and her boyfriend didn’t use condoms this was distressing to him, hence the breakup. Now any time he spends with her is just to get back at her and is not out of any kind of sense of love.

Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo

XTina Doesn't Want Anymore Vaginal Tearing

Amazing to think former heroin addict Nicole Richie would be a better mother than pin-up model wannabe Christina Aguilera. At least Nicole Richie doesn’t spend practically every night out drinking instead of with her kiddies.

TMZ has a video of Christina exiting Villa over the weekend, her second time that week, her sixth time over the past month. And then there’s this blind item:

Which couple have been fighting ALOT recently? The Hollywood bombshell has been telling her partner that there is going to be no more kiddies for a long time, which isn’t going down well with him (or his family) as the reason she doesn’t want kids is because of her body and image.

It undoubtedly referring to XTina. Not only has having a baby not stopped her from going out, but the woman went so far as to have a C-section to prevent any vaginal tearing.

Not to mention the fact that Jordan looks permanently miserable every time they go out. XTina probably just talks about her new E-cup tits the entire time during dinner.

Photos of an inebriated Christina and Jordan leaving Crown Bar are from back in April.

Leonard DiCaprio Has No Bedroom Skills

Yet another reason why it’s better to have an average looking man who can make you cum in 5 minutes, than some handsome celeb superstar who thinks your chode is your clit.

Blind Item via Page Six:

Which serial celeb- dating model is a little harsh on the men she sleeps with? She gave a titanic male star a measly “4″ for his prowess in the sack . . .

Faking will never make things better. But training him will.

Check out the Gisele Bundchen gallery here.

Unholy Matrimony

This is why you don’t get married because you’re knocked-up. Also, why I plan on hiring a private investigator should I ever tie the knot.

Blind Item via Panache Report:

Over the past few years, there has been a rash of marriages in black Hollywood. Recently, quicky marriages have become the rage. Despite his untold dedication to his wife. We have received reports that a newly married husband has been stepping out on his wife with a variety of call girls.

Our cheating hubby has rented suites stocked with weed and Dom. He loves to sexually entertain two women at a time. His favorite destination for call girl hookups is in Las Vegas. When he arrives in Las Vegas, sometimes, escorts are waiting for him in his limo and a lot of hanky panky goes on enroute to his hotel suite.

His wife remains clueless as he runs up a secretive tab for high end escorts. This has become an addiction for him. He tells his wife he has to go out of town on business when he’s really meeting up with ladies of the evening. The wife has allegedly been telling friends that their sex life had died down since their marriage because her husband is such a workaholic but the real reason is: He’s stepping out on her.

It’s a toss up between Usher and Tameka, or Jay-Z or Beyonce, but considering Jay’s recent involvement with opening his 40/40 Club in Vegas and NYC, he seems to fit the bill perfectly.

Dude, hookers over Beyonce? The man has lost his mind. So much for happily ever after!

Below, photos of Beyonce Knowles at the opening of Jay Z’s 40/40 Club in Vegas.

Cash Tries to Declare Porn as a Tax Deduction

It’s amazing to think Cash Warren has never really done anything bad, and yet everyone’s douche radar starts a-blazin’ every time his name is mentioned.

And so, in an effort to add some more fuel to the fire, here’s another fabulous Crazy Days & Nights blind item certain to get Jessica Alba‘s pregger granny panties in a bunch.

This is the funniest one I have ever got from the accountant. This celebutard is engaged to a B list film actress with A+ name recognition. He spent $34,000 on porn last year, and tried to claim it as a deduction for business purposes. He had each and every receipt for all the porn. All of it. He claimed that he needed it to see the proper way to act in a love scene. When the accountant reminded him he wasn’t even an actor, our celebutard said something to the effect of, “I’ve got my girlfriend believing I’m the best guy in the world. I’m a great actor.” They chose not to try and deduct the porn.

Ugh, and to think he gets to stick his penis inside her!

And to help ease your pain, here is Jessica Alba photo spread in the June 2008 issue of Allure Magazine.

Photos of Cash and Jess shopping over the weekend in 3…2…1…

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Romo Dumped Simpson Over Erotic Asphyxiation

I do believe this to be the best Jessica Simpson rumor I have ever heard.

Via Crazy Days & Nights:

I didn’t know she had it in her, and I’m still trying to figure out where she learned it. Oh, I guess you would like to know who and what I’m talking about. So, this breakup that you have been hearing about in the past couple of days? You know the big one. Anyway, from what I have been told, the reason they broke up is because she was too kinky for him. Her? I know. Unbelievable. What I guess finally drove him away was the fact that she is a big fan of erotic asphyxiation. She loves having it done to her to the point of passing out. He tried it once. Freaked him out, so he left because she wanted it most of the time. What I can’t figure out is who taught it to her? I doubt she reads so someone must have done it with her.

This story is so great. I totally believe it too! It’s retarded to suggest she wouldn’t know about it because “she doesn’t read.” No one needs to tell you what you like, you just sorta know.

As for the erotic asphyxiation, I totally know where Jess is coming from. That shit feels sooo gooood.

Blind Item

This shit is disgusting. Literally!

Blind Item via Defamer:

This just landed in the Defamer tips box: “What crazy-ass, A-list starlet was Checked into the Roosevelt Hotel by a male friend because she was to high to drive, only to reward his chivalry by proceeding to make Poo Angels all over the room—including poo body-prints on the walls. Her shitty shenanigans ended up costing the poor bastard 6 grand.” We certainly have no idea, but all this talk of Poo Angel-making has gotten us excited about the holidays! Who’s up for a pooball fight? We are!

A friend of mine once pissed all over her ex-boyfriend’s car during her drunken state, but poo angels is where I draw the line!

Any guesses for this blind item? I have no clue who it is.

Brittany Murphy Might Be A Crackhead

New Blind Item via Crazy Days & Nights:

Our B list film actress who happens to be married to a real winner was on a recent modeling shoot. Our actress loves crack and had arranged to meet a friend of a friend while she was in this city not her own who was going to supply her with everything she needed. He did show up, and she bought enough rocks to get her through the day. Unfortunately she didn’t have a crack pipe because she didn’t want to carry it on the plane. Her dealer didn’t have one either. To say she was upset was an understatement. She sent her dealer and her assistant out to get one. They came back a short while later with one they had got from a homeless person for $100. Our actress didn’t even bother to say thanks. Just spent the next hour in kind of a haze, the photo shoot be damned.

Brittany Murphy sounds about right.

These photos might have been taken back in January, but just look at how spent she looks.  The word choice “married to a real winner” is just dripping with sarcasm.

Girl has gone and lost her head.

Blind Item

I know I already posted these pics over the weekend, but every time I stare at this side-by-side comparison of Rumer ‘Potato Spud’ Willis and this pink pussy I can’t help but laughing hysterically.

Blind item via Crazy Days and Nights below.

#1 – This B- film actress was on a flight with her girlfriend and hid her face under her blanket the entire flight. Why? She could only afford Business Class. Not too bad except when two people from The Real World were laughing at you from First Class.

This has got to be broke-ass Blohan.

#2 – Ahhh. I love a good trailer trashing story. Especially when it is a female. This female film actress who is the offspring of an acting family is filming a movie right now. Seems as if the water was never the right temperature in her trailer. After complaining about 100 times, and always being told it was perfect, our actress decided to take matters into her own hands. Literally. She got a crow bar and smashed the entire trailer beginning with the bathroom. After holding up filming for about 45 minutes so she could finish beating the trailer into submission, she emerged from the trailer, and said, she thought she had finally fixed the problem. A new trailer was delivered that very day and the $50,000 for the trailer charged to the budget.

Sounds like someone stared at Rumer’s unfortunate chin for too long and she took it out on the poor trailer. It’s not the trailer’s fault you got a potato for a face!

For a pussy with pink wig, it’s pretty judgmental looking. Like it’s thinking, ‘That’s the biggest it gets? Ugh. Hurry up and put that thing away before I claw that poor excuse for a penis to shreds.’