Guess What We Won't Be Reading, The New Kardashian Book

If two freakin’ reality shows weren’t enough, the Kardashian have no decided to take their musings on life, love and random BS to the pages of a book. And they’re already off to a great start with the title: Kardashian Konfidential. Spell check is your friend ladies. More after the jump.

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Superman Comic Book Sells for $1 Million

Comic geeks rejoice! Your hobby may truly be the way to fame and riches. Ok, so probably not, but this has got to be at least a little encouraging. A copy of a comic that was the first to feature Superman was recently sold for a whopping $1 million. Wondering what book had such a massive payoff (mainly so that you can dig through your own treasure trove of comics to see if you happen to have a million dollar payday in your future)? The comic is a 1938 edition of Action Comics No. 1. The issue features Superman on its cover, lifting a car.

But interestingly enough this isn’t the first time that Action Comics No. 1 has raked in a whole lot of public interest and a whole lot of cash. The same issue was sold several years ago for a little over $300,000. So why the price difference? Apparently the recently sold version of the comic was in considerably better shape than the previous edition. Whether $300,000 or $1 million that is still an obscene amount of cash to be dropping on a few pages of a dude in tights.

Via: Perez Hilton

Beer-Holding Jesus Not Popular in India

Not too much of a shock that a beer and cigarette-holding Jesus didn’t go over so well in a Christian-majority region of India. A book teaching children how to write in cursive (people still do that?) featured a picture of Jesus under the letter ‘I’ for idol. But this wasn’t your run of the mill depiction of the Son of God. instead this illustration showed Jesus with a beer and cigarette in hand. The book outraged officials and all copies of it were confiscated. Education minister Ampareen Lyngdoh was not happy to say the least:

“I am appalled and condemn the violent pictorial presentation of Christ. The children for whom the textbook was meant look up to Christ with reverence, and they are shocked beyond words.”

Not so sure the kiddies were shocked, so much as they were probably giggling and snickering around the room. I mean let’s face it, if a saw a picture of Jesus puffing away on a cigarette or chugging a beer, shocked is probably not the emotional response I’d have.

Via: Washington Post

School Bans Dictionary Over Oral Sex Entry

Apparently Merriam-Webster’s 10th edition dictionary is a little too racy for the kids because the Menifee Union School District has decided to ban the book because of its graphic “oral sex” description. The decision came after a parent complained that their child had accidentally flipped to the “oral sex” entry. Now, my question here, was it really an accident or was the kid just a wee bit curious? Could go either way.

But regardless of why the elementary schooler decided to land on fellatio, the school district has now removed the dictionary from all of the district’s classrooms and is reviewing the book for other questionable definitions to decided if it should be banned permanently. The district spokesperson said that the dictionary is just not age appropriate. Some people think that’s a little crazy, including one parent who said:

“Censorship in the schools, really? Pretty soon the only dictionary in the school library will be the Bert and Ernie dictionary. If the kids are exposed to it, it’s up to the parents to explain it to them at their level.”

While I get that blow jobs might not be an appropriate classroom discussion point, are we really going to ban the dictionary? THE DICTIONARY? Seriously, education, do better!

Via: The Press-Enterprise

Five Strengths Today's "Inadequate Male" Has Over Our Hard Guy Ancestors

So there’s a new book out called Manthropology: The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male, by anthropologist Peter McAllister.  McAllister studies some of the athletic benchmarks set in today’s sporting world and scrutinizes them against fossil and anthropological evidence of man’s old-school feats of physical ability.  It makes us look bad.

Usain Bolt, for instance, hit a speed of 42 kph during his record-breaking 100m at Beijing last year, but fossil evidence shows that some guy in Australia 20,000 years ago was hitting 37 mph while chasing mammoths in the mud.  And that was just a guy, not the fastest guy in the world.  The average aboriginal hunter could probably have trucked at 45 kph with the right equipment.

Today’s man can’t even play ball with Neanderthal women:

McAllister said a Neanderthal woman had 10 percent more muscle bulk than modern European man. Trained to capacity she would have reached 90 percent of [Arnold] Schwarzenegger’s bulk at his peak in the 1970s.

Oh snap.  This all feels a little defamatory and insulting to me, personally (“inadequate??”), so I’ve gone ahead and made a short list of things we moderns can look to to restore our man-bravado, after the jump.  

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Ted Williams's Body Beheaded and Mutilated at Cryogenics Lab

This news is just blowing the roof off the internet.  Or parts of the internet.  The parts labeled “Sports” and “How To Freeze Your Body After It Is Dead,” specifically.  Larry Johnson, a former exec at the cryogenic freezing facility Alcor Life Extension Foundation, is publishing a tell-all expose about how – duh – cryogenics is a pseudoscience aimed at milking big money from the estates of dead egos who couldn’t deal with the fact that the world would spin on without them.  Alcor’s grimmest offense:

Technicians with no medical certification gleefully photographed and used crude equipment to decapitate [Ted Williams], the majors’ last .400 hitter.

Williams’ severed head was then frozen, and even used for batting practice by a technician trying to dislodge it from a tuna fish can.

Yeah.  It’s pretty bad, and gets worse, after the jump.  

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Jude Law Does Lady GaGa

Jude Law, an already well-regarded actor, is further burnishing the wellness of his regard by appearing on Broadway and the West End as Hamlet.  So he’s got the impassioned, lilting, I guess the word is “Shakespearean” delivery down pretty well, Serious Theater Actor that he is.  However, Jude Law isn’t so seriously devoted to the craft of drama that he can’t drop in for a bit of comedy once in awhile, in the way that someone might, say, devote oneself to a famous and beautiful blonde actress but still dabble in another woman on the side.  (Jude Law did that also, get it?)

So Law appeared on Jimmy Fallon (somebody get that guy suited up in the role of Yorick) and recited a few lines of verse at Fallon’s request, in his best soliloquy voice: “I won’t tell you that I love you/ Kiss or hug you/ ‘Cause I’m bluffing/ With my muffin…”  Video ATJ:

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Why Do Women Have Sex?

So a book was published a few weeks ago by two researchers who had surveyed more than a thousand women on the UT Austin campus.  It purports to answer the big question of – drumrolllll - why women have sex (that is also the book’s title).  84%, it was claimed, answered that they usually were just looking for a little peace and quiet and/or some help with household chores.  Some of the more depressing answers:

“I have sex to relieve the boredom because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do.”

“I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”

In one survey of students, nearly one in 10 women admitted to “having sex for presents”. Others said: “He bought me a nice dinner”, “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”.

Another “sexologist” recently weighed in on these answers with some of her own, after the jump.  Plus: a poll!  

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John Edwards Affair Details Just Keep Getting Dirtier

John Edwards is basically the Jon Gosselin of politics.  He wears the figurative Ed Hardy shirts.  He figuratively plans the figurative reality television show with figurative Michael Lohan and figurative Kevin Federline.  We know all this.  But that doesn’t mean we want to stop reading about it!  It is now being alleged that the baby he claimed not to father with mistress Rielle Hunter is probably his.  Not a huge surprise there.

Any acknowledgment of paternity would have ramifications for Mr. Edwards, who could suffer a further blow to his credibility but could also be praised for belatedly accepting responsibility.

This from the New York Times. Seriously, New York Times?  It does not seem likely that John Edwards will be praised!  In any capacity, for anything he ever does, for the rest of his life.  Especially with some of the really, really dirty details coming out now, after the jump…

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Here's a Preview of the Lady GaGa 2010 Calendar for No Reason

That Lady GaGa.  She so crazy!  Now she’s doing a Lady GaGa calendar.  What’s next, a book?  A video cassette?  A rotary telephone?  A steam-powered automobile?  A feudalistic society?  The joke is that nobody uses any of those things anymore, see.  We’re a civilized society here.  We don’t use wall-mounted calendars in the First World, unless, I don’t know, we’re marking off how many days we’ve been sober (0.3!) or how many days until Hanukkah Harry put presents under the Jewish candlestick (85!).

If I saw Lady GaGa driving a steam-powered automobile, though, that would seem perfectly normal to me.  What with her being so crazy.  The rest of the calendar preview, ATJ.  

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