Maxim Magazine has released the 2008 “Hot 100,” of which I’m pretty certain was compiled by one of Pete Doherty’s crackpipe kittens.

Here’s the top 10:

1. Marisa Miller
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Jessica Biel
4. Eva Longoria
5. Sarah Michelle Gellar
6. Elisha Cuthbert
7. Eva Mendes
8. Christina Aguilera
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Ashley Tisdale

WTF is up with Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lindsay Lohan, and Ashley Tisdale?! For realz. My vagina wouldn’t kiss their lips unless money was involved. Big money.

Did I mention that both Britney Spears (#19), Avril Lavigne (#24), and Kat Von D (#62) beat out Mila Kunis (#81) and Olivia Munn (#99)?!?!?!?!?

Do you hear that? It’s my vagina crying its eyes out.

Check out the Marisa Miller gallery here.

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If this is any indication of what she looks like after a night of hot passionate sex, then no thank you!

Jessica Biel arriving at La Guardia airport on Friday night.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Jessica Biel and her man Justin Timberlake together. The couple was spotted exiting the Oviatt Hotel in Los Angeles Saturday, following a wedding.

Either the former ‘N Sync frontman had one-to-many cocktails or had just finished crying, because both his face and eyes were noticeably red. Or perhaps Biel busted out the strap-on for a quickie in the men’s room.

Judging by her solid ass cheeks I’m sure this beast of a woman could ride him hard. I say that, but I assure you most of us women would kill to have that ass. And to have Biel ride us with her strap-on for that matter.

Christina Ricci wants Jessica Biel’s ass.

“I asked my trainer, ‘Can you give me Jessica Biel’s butt?’” the actress – who starred with Biel’s beau Timberlake in last year’s Black Snake Moan – tells the U.K. edition of Elle. “I want a bigger butt.”

Alas, because of her tiny frame, “they said I couldn’t,” she laments. “Everyone wants what they can’t have!”

I want to eat her ass out — does that count?

Click here for see the Jessica Biel gallery.

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Jessica Biel arrived into LAX Friday and didn’t seem to pleased to see the paparazzi.  But on she marched, ignoring their questions and comments and went home to the only one who understood her best: her vibrator.

Because there’s no better feeling than coming home after a long plane flight to some personal R&R.  You know Biel loaded some movie with lesbians wearing strap-ons and went to town on her clit!

I know I said Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman are the ultimate lesbian fantasy, but I might just have to amend that statement.

Word in the gossip world is Jessica Biel, who’s maintained hush hush about her relationship with Justin Timberlake, recently sought help from his ex-girlfriend Scarlett Johansson. About what?

The story via OK! Magazine:

“Jessica is adamant that she and Justin are happy and there are no problems,” a pal of Jessica tells OK!. “But she wanted to get a female perspective on the best way to handle all the rumors about him with other girls.”

So what did Scarlett, who’s been quietly dating Ryan Reynolds, tell Jessica? Ignore the tabloids and focus on the relationship!

“Jessica was pretty open to Scarlett’s opinion and appreciated her honesty,” the pal confirms. “She had an idea that when she got back from filming [Easy Virtue] she should teach Scarlett to golf so they could double-date with Justin and Ryan.”

I have some advice for Jessica… lose Justin! Between Biel’s ass and Scarlett’s rack, that pair would surely be a match made in carpet muncher heaven!

The idea of Jessica motorboating Scarlett’s tits is enough to make a girl’s panties all moist with excitement!

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Justin Timberlake has found a great way to keep marriage to girlfriend Jessica Biel at bay: Blame it on wacko ex-girlfriend Britney Spears.

According to the National Enquirer’s Mike Walker, the “SexyBack” singer played his Britney card with current gal pal Jessica Biel. “We simply can’t get engaged,” Justin told Jessica. “I don’t want to do anything to cause Britney further pain right now!”

Something tells me Jessica might be interested in this site, and not because of the PS3.

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Jessica Biel at Heathrow Airport last Thursday.

The thing about a woman wih DSL’s is that even the worst of head is still pretty damn awesome.

Jessica Biel was assaulted by a female while at a Packers game with boyfriend Justin Timberlake October 7. That’s not a light grab either. That chick was all about Biel’s buns-o-steel.

It probably doesn’t mean anything, but it’s nice that at least one chick was able to get that close. Something tells me Justin’s too overprotective to share that snatch with another beaver eater.

Jessica probably has to sneak in snatch snacks. A little fish taco never hurt anyone. Right, Angelina?

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