If I didn’t know better I would have said these two were separated at birth!

Look at that instinctual motherly glow. Makes me heart weep.

I guess at this point it doesn’t even matter anymore, but anyhoo.

Jessica Alba told Allure Magazine during a recent interview with the magazine that she used a turkey baster to suck out the splooge from one of Cash Warren’s used condoms in order to fertilize her unwelcomed ass after a fling they had during their 2007 post relationship break-up.

Luckily for her Cash has superhuman sperm and one of those suckers managed to squeeze into her egg before he could dump her ass for good.

She tells Allure magazine, “I can’t say it was a total accident. Because you’re aware of when you’re being careful and when you’re not. It just happened so soon.”

Note to bitches trying to trap their men into unhappy relationships by getting knocked-up: He’s still going to leave your ass.

It’ll just be five years down the line before he replaces your used vagina with a fresh one. Next time I advise you actually swallow your birth control and quit poking holes in the condoms.

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Someone over at Allure Magazine thought it’d be real funny to dress Jessica Alba up as Charlie Chaplin for their June ‘08 issue.

“Since Jessica’s doing a comedy, she came up with the idea to dress like Charlie Chaplin,” says Cavaco. “We all thought it was funny because she’s pregnant.”

Um… sure?

Jessica speaks up about her sexuality in 3…2…1.. Continue »

Knocked-up or not, Jessica Alba remains the hottest Mexican female celebrity out there. At least according to the folks over at Maxim Magazine, who just compiled a list of The 10 Hottest Mexican Women just in time for Cinco de Mayo.

Somehow Salma Hayek came in at No. 2, which, if you ask me, is absolutely blasphemous. I’d rather play a round of ‘Just the Tip’ with Salma than the chance to fully penetrate my tongue inside Alba.

Top 6 after the jump. Full list here.

Top 6 Mexican Women after the jump! Continue »

Here’s Jessica Alba gloating at the Thomas Riley High School where she went to give the under age pregnant girls some gift’s to help with their new babies.

Apparently seeing other girls with a shittier situation than hers is what it takes to make Jessica Alba smile.

She probably bragged about how Cash proposed while all the underage pregnant high school girls cried about having conceived a child under the bleachers during homecoming only to be dumped for some freshman chick that puts out. Ah, the circle of life is a wondrous thing.

Knocked-up Jessica Alba decided to leave her bra at home when going out to dinner at Mr. Chow’s with Cash Warren the other night.

Because nothing is hotter than lactating chafed nipples.

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Jessica Alba was photographed dining with fiance Cash Warren at Creperie last Friday, possibly to celebrate her 27th birthday which was yesterday.

So much for motherly glow. Cash looks as miserable as she does. It looks like she finally realized a baby isn’t the best way to keep a man. I’d feel bad, but I have no use for people who are perpetually miserable (i.e., Jessica Alba).

A bulbous Jessica Alba was photographed sucking on a lollipop while shopping with a girlfriend at A Pea In A Pod along Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills, California yesterday.

It wasn’t too long ago that men and women fawned over Mexican-American hottie; dreaming longingly of a chance encounter with her mouth, or better yet, her vagina.

But then she just had to go and poke some holes in Cash Warren’s condoms and trick him into a life of parenthood and marriage.

It’s bad enough she’s got genital herpes, but now she’s going to f—- up her vaginal muscles by coughing out a kid. Let’s hope she has a C-section, because no amount of kegel exercises will ever undo a baby tearing that shit up.

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More photos after the jump! Continue »

Pregnancy sure brings out the best in Jessica Alba. Just look at that smile. Her maternal glow is absolutely overwhelming. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the world’s starving children miraculously had full bellies just from one of her smiles.

God, I wish I could be in the hospital with her the day her little “brown baby” girl Honor Warren is born. Certainly her screams of joy would make even the coldest of hearts warm again.

Here is the world’s happiest mother-to-be beaming with joy after having breakfast with her boyfriend Cash Warren earlier today.

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More photos after the jump! Continue »

Jessica Alba celebrated her vagina swallowing Cash Warren’s seed and tricking him into marriage by throwing a baby shower at Ever After Teahouse in Los Angeles yesterday.

It is rumored the Mexican-American actress is knocked-up with a girl whom she’s planning to name Honor because she thinks it’s an honor to have Warren’s baby.

SMH. I still can’t believe she’s actually going to name her daughter this. If anything she should name her Purposely, as in ‘I purposely stopped taking my birth control and poked holes in the condoms so I would get pregnant and then my boyfriend would have to marry me.’

More photos after the jump! Continue »