Maxim Magazine has released the 2008 “Hot 100,” of which I’m pretty certain was compiled by one of Pete Doherty’s crackpipe kittens.

Here’s the top 10:

1. Marisa Miller
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Jessica Biel
4. Eva Longoria
5. Sarah Michelle Gellar
6. Elisha Cuthbert
7. Eva Mendes
8. Christina Aguilera
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Ashley Tisdale

WTF is up with Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lindsay Lohan, and Ashley Tisdale?! For realz. My vagina wouldn’t kiss their lips unless money was involved. Big money.

Did I mention that both Britney Spears (#19), Avril Lavigne (#24), and Kat Von D (#62) beat out Mila Kunis (#81) and Olivia Munn (#99)?!?!?!?!?

Do you hear that? It’s my vagina crying its eyes out.

Check out the Marisa Miller gallery here.

More photos after the jump! Continue »

These are quite possibly the hottest Eva Mendes photos my vagina has ever laid eyes on.

Taken for Vogue Italy, Eva channels her inner Sophia Lauren in a spread that displays Eva and her nipples perfectly.

I believe what your experiencing now is a thing called ‘morning wood.’ Tuck that shit away before you poke someones eyes out.

Foot fetishists take note, some of these photos will definitely cause a leak in your pants.

More fab photos after the jump! Continue »

Maybe it’s because I myself am a Latina, but both these women are smokin’ hot!

I don’t normally care for Gisele Bundchen unless she shows some side-boob action and then all is well in the world. And as for Eva Mendes… let’s just say I have major penis envy. Envious that I can’t leave my scent inside her!

Here are the Latinas Gisele Bundchen and Eva Mendes oozing sex appeal at the “Superheroes: Fashion And Fantasy” costume gala at the MET yesterday.

If you could, which ass would you tap?

More of the caliente Latinas after the jump! Continue »

Gisele Bundchen

Scarlett Johansson

Eva Mendes

Ivanka Trump

Beyonce

Eva Longoria Parker

Fergie

Hilary Duff

Blake Lively

Victoria Beckham

Christina Ricci

Jennifer Lopez

Mischa Barton

Emmy Rossum

Naomi Watts

More ladies after the jump! Continue »

Following her checking into rehab earlier this February, Cuban-American stunner Eva Mendes says she’s happy with her life and just “taking a break and having a good time.”

Yesterday, after speaking with People Magazine, the “Once Upon A Time In Mexico” star said of her post-rehab days: “The sun’s out again. It’s my time.” She’s also been “sticking to [her] exercise regime” doing cardio and light weights four days a week.

“I’m actually taking advantage of my time off,” she says. “You know, I had a film that was pushed, so I’m home spending time with my family, going to the gym and actually enjoying taking care of myself …. This year has been great for me because I’ve learned how to relax. The last three years have been amazing but kind of crazy. So I don’t know, I feel grounded. I feel really good.”

“I’m getting a lot of love in the love department, too,” adds Mendes, who is in a longtime relationship with producer George Gargurevich.

Not only is Eva Mendes by far one of the sexiest women in Hollywood, but she’s also one of the sexiest Latina actresses — second only to Salma Hayek.

So here’s to one of Hollyweird’s care-free spirits staying young and fresh at heart. Because I’d much rather comment on Eva shopping, as seen here at the Mayfair Market over the weekend, then Lindsay Lohan and her STD infested crotch.

Bonus gallery after the jump! Continue »

OK! Magazine has revealed the dress size for six celebrities, which are as follows:

Eva Longoria - Size 0
Jennifer Aniston - Size 2
Eva Mendes - Size 4
Katherine Heigl - Size 6
Mariska Hargitay - Size 8
America Ferrera - Size 10

Sizes 4 - 8 are the most comfortable and appealing on the eye, in my opinion. Sizes 0 - 2 are too thin, and generally means your porking a skeleton. Not hot.

What size do you think is sexiest?

Eva Mendes candids after the jump! Continue »

You know what I love about Eva Mendes, she doesn’t feel threatened by her own sensuality. While some women hold back, fearful of revealing too much and coming off as cheap, Eva doesn’t mind showing some skin.

With that in mind, I report that Eva Mendes has been named the new model Calvin Klein Underwear’s ad campaign. To see Eva in nothing but her underwear would induce a hormonal high. The kind of high you get when you orgasm so hard and so long you have to curl your toes.

A rehabbed Eva Mendes was photographed looking fabulous while exiting Calvin Klein in NYC earlier this week, but the real question remains: ‘What was she in rehab for?’

Maybe PageSix has the answer:  “WHICH actress went into rehab only after she suffered a miscarriage? She was on a four-day cocaine bender when she lost the baby she didn’t even know she was carrying.”

Yeah, a four-day cocaine bender will probably make one bleed out of one’s orifices, baby or not.  Actually, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never done it.  But that’s what I imagine.

Still, I never pictured Eva for a cokehead.  I just figured she was a drunk.  The good kind, too.  Get a couple drinks in her and she’s laughing and telling jokes loudly before dragging you to the bathroom and getting on her knees to give your penis the love and attention it deserves.

Do you think Eva had a cocaine-induced miscarriage?

Eva Mendes is out of rehab, says Life and Style. The reason the actress spent a few weeks at Utah’s Cirque Lodge remains unknown.

Of her stay her spokesman said: “Eva has been working hard for the past year and made a positive decision to take some much needed time off to attend to some personal issues that, while not critical, she felt deserved some outside professional support.”

I still say Eva was in there because of her addiction to pornography.  That, and her addiction to her vibrator.  It can happen.

More photos after the jump! Continue »

According to TMZ, actress Eva Mendes has entered rehab in Utah as a result of a substance abuse problem.

The “Ghost Rider” star is at the same Utah rehab center Lindsay Lohan was treated at, the famous Cirque Lodge Center near Sundance. Eva has reportedly been there for several weeks now.

No word yet on what she’s in for, but I’m thinking Pornography Addiction. Beats the idea of her going in for getting all coked up and drunk.

More photos after the jump! Continue »