Maxim Magazine has released the 2008 “Hot 100,” of which I’m pretty certain was compiled by one of Pete Doherty’s crackpipe kittens.

Here’s the top 10:

1. Marisa Miller
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Jessica Biel
4. Eva Longoria
5. Sarah Michelle Gellar
6. Elisha Cuthbert
7. Eva Mendes
8. Christina Aguilera
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Ashley Tisdale

WTF is up with Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lindsay Lohan, and Ashley Tisdale?! For realz. My vagina wouldn’t kiss their lips unless money was involved. Big money.

Did I mention that both Britney Spears (#19), Avril Lavigne (#24), and Kat Von D (#62) beat out Mila Kunis (#81) and Olivia Munn (#99)?!?!?!?!?

Do you hear that? It’s my vagina crying its eyes out.

Check out the Marisa Miller gallery here.

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Gisele Bundchen

Scarlett Johansson

Eva Mendes

Ivanka Trump

Beyonce

Eva Longoria Parker

Fergie

Hilary Duff

Blake Lively

Victoria Beckham

Christina Ricci

Jennifer Lopez

Mischa Barton

Emmy Rossum

Naomi Watts

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Bebe released it’s Sport Summer ‘08 ad campaigns, featuring skinnie minnie Mexican-American actress Eva Longoria.

There’s just something about a Latina without an ass that I find unnatural. Seriously, companies like iWanex have had to photoshop an ass on this woman. See what I’m talking about here.

Nearly five months after accusing Tony Parker of having an extramarital affair with model Alexandra Paressant, X17.com apologized for the faulty allegations. It turned out the supposed French model didn’t even exist!

“X17online.com and X7 [sic], Inc. regret having been misled by Ms. Paressant and her representatives and apologize to Mr. Parker for any damage or inconvenience this may have caused him or his wife.”

Nice reporting skills, X17. I think I smell a pulitzer!

Alexandra had allegedly told the photo agency that Tony’s wife, Eva Longoria, was not sexually adventurous in the bedroom and did not like sperm because it gave acne.

That’s the best embellishment if I ever heard one. Personally speaking I think the jizz is fabulous, so long as the guy eats healthy. Smelly, chunky jizz is the worst!

Eva Longoria is currently the spokesmodel for Magnum ice cream. The size 0 Latina is currently promoting the ice cream in Cannes, France. Did you read that — a size 0 Latina promoting ice cream? WTF?!

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I thought Vanessa Williams morning pee routine was God awful, but amazingly enough Eva Longoria has managed to top Williams with an even more repulsive beauty secret.

Via New York Daily News:

After-birth Antidote –

The uterine lining that’s normally discarded postdelivery is in demand by Eva Longoria Parker.

In Touch magazine reports that the “Desperate Housewives” actress uses EMK Placental Face Cream ($85). The cream claims to improve skin texture and reduce fine lines, sun damage and other signs of aging.

Did you read that — the broad uses placental face cream.

These Hollyweird chicks need a reality check. She can use that placental face cream all she wants, you couldn’t pay me to suck face with this skeleton.

We’re a nation against stem cell research, but placental face cream is a-okay!

A bikini-clad Eva Longoria was photographed vacationing in Mexico over the weekend.

Looks like someone hasn’t hit the gym since she got married.

Doesn’t really matter, considering she was as sexually unappealing then as she is now.

On the plus side, her ass has has filled out.

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This photo of Eva Longoria deepthroating a popsicle while at the San Diego Zoo early this week has really made me see her in a whole new light. Maybe she’s not so bad after all. Granted she’s a little too thin, but nothing a few helpings of my creamsicle filling can’t fix.

Her lack of hesitation is particularly arousing. Hell, there’s a reason she picked Tony Parker to be her man. I’m sure he gives her something plenty hard and long to suck on.

All the photoshopping in the world still can’t make Eva Longoria sexy, so far as I’m concerned.  Despite showing some skin in the Spring 2008 Bebe Sport ad campaigns, the Latina actress fails to exude the slightest in sex appeal.  How can a Latina be so vanilla?

What do you think, does Eva do it for you?

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News of Brangelina’s latest bundle of joy hasn’t gone over so well with Jennifer Aniston, whom is said to be “very upset.”

A source close to the actress said: “Jennifer is putting on a brave face, but inside she is really upset. She wasn’t prepared for how she’d feel when she saw the pictures of Angelina and her bump. It took her by surprise because it was further proof of just how much Brad has moved on with his life compared to her.”

The source added to Britain’s Star magazine: “Jennifer is desperate for kids. She can feel her biological clock ticking and is scared that she has left it too late. She keeps saying that she wishes she’d had kids with Brad and that, if she had, maybe things would have worked out differently.

“Splitting up with Brad was the hardest thing Jennifer ever went through, so hopefully she’ll get over this latest hurdle. She’s made of strong stuff.”

Sounds like Aniston needs a party in her panties to keep her from thinking. Where’s hot stuff Vince Vaughn when you need him?  Dating him is the perfect birth control.  At least he can pick up his own drunken vomit.  You can’t train a baby to do that.  Believe me, I’ve tried.

What’s there to envy about Brad’s life anyway?  The man is going to have six children under the age of three.  If anything that’s the perfect punishment for being an unfaithful prick.

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While promoting her crappy new film “Over Her Dead Body,” newly wed Eva Longoria admitted she would come back and haunt husband Tony Parker is she were to die before him in real life.

She said: “I would sabotage every relationship he is in. I would not let him move on, I’d just lay in bed and watch him.

“He’s not doing anything without me. I’d be like if I’m going to the afterlife you’re coming with me.”

It’s statements such as this that make us Latina women look effing crazy. Maybe that French model Alexandra Paressant was real after all. Eva just did away with her. Not for the affair, but for telling everyone she doesn’t like facials.

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