Oh dear God… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bai Ling being her usual undesirable self on the set of “Crank 2: High Voltage” in Los Angeles earlier this week.

By now we’ve all heard about our favorite Asian slut getting arrested yesterday. I’m speaking, of course, of none other than the fabulous Bai Ling. Who, as I just discovered, played the half-sister/lover of crime-boss Top Dollar in “The Crow.” Thank you, Wikipedia.

The 37-year-old former Playmate was arrested Wednesday at Los Angeles International Airport after reportedly shoplifting $16 worth of celebrity magazines and batteries from a terminal convenience store.

It was an “emotionally crazy” day, she explained to E! News on Thursday. Why? She was coping with the “huge problem of breaking up [before] Valentine’s Day.”

Ling, a former guest star on Lost and Entourage added, “Wrong boyfriend.”

Aw, poor Bai Ling. But seriously, I know why her boyfriend left her. They had sex sober for the first time and he finally realized what he was dealing with: sausage nipples. That’s right, ladies and gents, sausage nipples.

A broad I may be, but trust me when I say I’ve seen many a nipple, and her nipples are particularly sausage like. Not even shitting you. The woman could probably hold a 25 pack of those blank CDs where you secretly store your porn away from your lover. (Don’t deny it.)

Playboy photos after the jump if you’re hungry for some Chinese. *wink*

NSFW Photos after the jump! Continue »

Here are the latest topless photos of Bai Ling for Photographie Magazine. Normally I get all hot and bothered at the sight of some titties, but this things are absolutely atrocious!

I found myself hovering over my toilet, rekindling a relationship with yesterday’s food. Never again will I be able to top my pizzas with Italian sausage. The flashbacks would be all too severe.

More shots after the jump! Continue »

According to an admittedly bi-sexual Bai Ling, “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” co-star Angelina Jolie and her had a “special attraction” during filming.

“I felt this energy between us, when we look at each other there’s an energy, an attraction. Her eyes transfer a sexual energy to me that makes her irresistible.”

She recalled: “Angelina said, ‘Next time we’ll play lovers.’”

On whether or not they scissored each others vajayjays, she said:

“We could have hooked up, but it just wasn’t the right time or place. But she told me, “My heart’s open to you.’”

She added: “I’ve always thought Brad [Pitt] was the sexiest man on the planet. So now that Brad and Angelina are together, now maybe I could experience both at the same time!”

As if! Neither Angie or Brad would go anywhere near that slutty skank. Nobody would. Maybe a methed up Britney or a coked up Lindsay, but that’s all. The image of them sucking face is enough to make me turn straight. Gag me with a spoon already.

Photos of Angie and Shiloh after the jump! Continue »