Audrina Patridge and her lid-less eyes hosted an evening The Nightclub in Las Vegas over the weekend.

If Audrina was my girlfriend I’d stick my old gum to the bottom of her boobs.  It’s not like she would feel it.  She’s as plastic on the outside as she is on the inside.

Comparing Kate Beckinsale to Audrina Patridge in the “I want to do you” category seems like a crime. It’s like comparing heaven to an STD infested hell, but that’s why we’re having this little experiment in the first place.

Although, it should be noted that Kate’s ass isn’t as smooth as I presumed it would. If this isn’t proof that all girls — skinny, fat, no matter — are susceptible to stretch marks and cottage cheese, then I don’t know what is.

Back to the ‘Which Ass Would You tap?’ question. My interest is in seeing how Audrina measures up to Kate. Methinks whomever selects Audrina also gets a hard-on thinking of putting their penis in a glory hole, but I’m not one to judge.

Mainly because I kind dig penises in my cornhole. Unless you get off on golden showers. Then I’m judging. That’s damn nasty. Especially if you’ve just had asparagus.

Photos are of Kate basking in the Cabo San Lucas sun, and Audrina’s bouncing titties in a Las Vegas hotel pool.

Full set of bikini T&A after the jump! Continue »

Oh, dear sweet Jesus, Audrina Fartridge is becoming mainstream!  No longer contained by the confines of shitty reality shows, scandalous nude photos, and staged bikini pics, Audrina’s agent has been working overtime to get her gigs on mainstream television programs

Audrina announced on her blog that she will be appearing on Chelsea Lately’s show tomorrow night.  I hope she asks her what it feels like to suck people off to get to the top.

The implant-carrying slut also shared the news of her perhaps having a cameo on FOX’s new comedy series Do Not Disturb, starring Jerry O’Connell and directed by Jason Bateman.  Sadly, I don’t think her cameo will involve O’Connell giving her a moneyshot. ‘Cause really, isn’t that the only reason to tune in?

Here’s Audrina banking on her man-made money makers while putting lotion on Chelsea Handler’s nugget, Chuy, for tomorrow’s scheduled episode.

Shots of Audrina’s rack here, here, here, and here.

More sexy nugget love after the jump! Continue »

Audrina Patridge’s smile says it all: “Suckers. All I have to do is show some cleavage and you guys are eating of my hands.” Pretty much.

Here’s the ho getting more publicity for shopping on Robertson at InterMix yesterday doing absolutely nothing as usual.

Mandatory bikini shots from earlier this month in 3…2…1… Continue »

Reality TV “actress” Audrina Patridge has mastered the role of a media attention whore pretty well.  I’ve read she’s tired of living in Lauren Conrad’s shadow, which sounds impossible to me.

Lauren Conrad might be slightly less retarded looking, but Audrina has the cans to distract us with.  There’s no way anyone can possibly care about Lauren when Audrina is constantly parading her manmade mellons around town.  (See here, here and here.)

In any case, it’s not Audrina’s mammaries I lust after, so much as her droopy eyes.  Given the chance I’d much rather finger her eye sockets then her clam slit.  They’re just so sexy… who could resist?!

Here’s Audrina whoring out her body in a black and pink bikini at the DKNY Malibu beach house earlier this week.

More bikini pics in 3…2….1…. Continue »

The truth is I’m not a fan of implants, neither of the testicular or breastacular kind.  Best to have the real thing, albeit small, then something big, cold, and hard.  That being said, implants can still look decent on some girls.

And by some girls, I mean those free of an eating disorder or undoubtedly an addiction to diet pills.  These things hanging from Audrina Patridge’s chest is NOT hot.  I may have been born with a vagina, but none of you can convince me otherwise.

Seriously, would you really want to tap that?  The way they protrude sideways while her ribcage shows… this ho is too self absorbed with looking “hot” to appreciate the finer things in life, like, say, a big, throbbing, juicy penis.

Me, on the other hand, my boobs are probably slightly smaller than hers, but they’re real and I won’t care if your juice gets in my hair… I’ll just keep on bobbing along!

Any girl who plans her whorewear so meticulously deserves a little attention.  Not because she’s hot, or because she knows how to market herself, but because I’m going to get a good laugh when gravity kicks in and she can’t figure out where her career went.

Here are some Audrina Patridge cleavage candids of her shopping in West Hollywood for all you pervs who can only make it through the day if they see some titty action. Good morning and your welcome.

I love women like Audrina Patridge because they think they’re so slick when in all reality they’re at your mercy.  Take the bruise on her face, for example.

She can casually lean over while laughing and show us some cleavage all she wants, but when a dude wants to c()ck slap her face she takes it.

Women like this will never know the definition of love, nor toe-curling orgasms.  While everyone else is unleashing their inner nympho during sex, she’ll still be posing the entire time like the fake that she is.  Half the time girls who try to sell their sex appeal are asexual to begin with.  It’s just a game to them.

Here’s Audrina and her c()ck slapped face shopping along Melrose Avenue yesterday.

SplashNews

More photos after the jump! Continue »

Attention whore/shitty actress Audrina Patridge defends herself against nay sayers and truth talkers.

“I am not an attention w—-,” the 23-year-old star of The Hills tells Vegas Magazine, which hits newsstands June 1. “I’m not going to release naked photos of myself just to get attention. I’d rather get different attention and be respected.”

You know what, I can’t even say whether or not she’s a whore because I’m above watching The Hills. There, I said it. I think I’m cooler than The Hills.

On the downside, I really really love Rock of Love. You know, the show overflowing with hookers and porn star wannabes. I cream my panties every time that garbage comes on.

Here’s Audrina surprisingly fully dressed celebrating her 23rd birthday at LAX Nightclub in Las Vegas Saturday.

Source

Maybe its be cause I don’t have a penis, but Audrina Patridge is not hot — at all. Every time I see her it’s like someone slipped her a Roofie.

Not to mention the fact that her tits look like they would bruise a c()ck more then they would ever pleasure it. I guess her ass is okay if we’re playing off the ass-less white girl stereotype. Oh, yeah, and the whole bony thing. That too.

Here’s Audrina giving acting a try on the set of her first movie “The Reef” in Hawaii earlier this week.

What do you say, yay or nay?

SplashNews

More photos after the jump! Continue »