Terrifying New Sex Doll Breathes and Has a Pulse

Contrary to Rammstein‘s illustrative suggestion that you can’t get laid in Germany, it now seems you can, pretty easily.  A German company has begun producing the First Android (link NSFW), a new Real-Doll-style sex mannequin that

“can hold multiple sex positions, be ordered to simulate breathing, perform oral sex acts, have a pulse, be equipped with a g-spot that responds to orgasm, and much, much more.” Another First Androids doll, says Scott, “has the most realistic fake areolas I have ever seen, and I’ve seen my fair share.”

Until they make one that can throw its drink in my face, criticize my sexual performance, and then steal my favorite Matchbox cars and leave a note with a phone number that turns out to be for the nearest STD clinic, I WANT NO PART OF IT.  It’s those little things that make actual women special, guys.  These dolls are creating a bit of a stir among internet commentary people, though…  

“[Real Dolls founder Matt] McMullen believes that, for the most part, his dolls are therapeutic transitional objects for men” — just something to get them through a dry spell, before they resume human dating. Laslocky herself, having immersed herself in the world of sex doll enthusiasts, wasn’t too concerned, either: “By the end of my reporting… I just saw the men as pathetic and the conversations so packed with false bravado as to be ludicrous.” But then she explains how that false bravado is expressed. In an online chatroom, she found “the men were bragging about their success getting ‘p*ssy.’”

Haha, yeah bro!  I got so much intercourse last night with my intercourse doll!  We were going at it so hardstyle that I had to change her batteries!  No.  The first rule of owning a sex doll is, you don’t talk about owning a sex doll.  Jezebel sees an overlap between the sex doll community and the pick-up artist community:

The whole pickup artist industry is based on the premise that women’s bodies are the “nice” guy’s Everest, to be conquered by overriding the pesky parts of our brains that naturally produce a “F*ck off, creep” reaction. If you just remove the brain entirely, the Sodinis [Sodini is a pick-up artist] of the world get everything they want: A warm body with pretty hair, squeezable t*ts and assorted holes to penetrate, minus that damnable free will.

I kind of disagree with this.  I think guys who get off on force-gaming as many women as possible into having sex with them are motivated as much by the ego charge of manipulating another person into submission as by the sex itself.  Hence the vocab of transitive sex verbs: “conquer,” “crush,” “slay,” take down,” and that list goes on.  You can’t conquer a sex doll.  These things cost almost $4000.  If anything, you’re the one who got played for buying a $4000 pretend woman.  Thoughts?

Via Nerve.