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Which Alcoholic Energy Drink Will Wreck Your Scene the Hardest?
Everyone heard the rumor about Sparks being outlawed, right? The rumor takes various shapes, but usually the given reason is that it looks like a kiddie drink, or it looks like a study-time energy drink, or it has 6-7% alcohol by volume plus your brain cells are doing a mosh pit in the caffeine. Well, Sparks was never outlawed, though Miller did drain some of the venom from it.
But a quick trip to the market yesterday to buy Boar’s Head Cajun Turkey (endorsement: the most audacious lunch meat being made today in its price class) revealed to me that Sparks is the least of our worries. There is now a 24 oz monstrosity called “Joose” sitting in my fridge rack and every time I go in there to get something to eat, it’s staring me down like, I am going to sodomize your heart and kidneys with caffeine, taurine, ginseng, 9.9% alcohol by volume, and natural flavors.
I am going to drink it tonight.
But Joose, which has its own mixtape, is not even the most roided out energy booze. That distinction belongs to…
Four LOKO, a 24 oz Nagasaki on your liver that packs 12% ABV. This, in one serving, is roughly equivalent to drinking a bottle of white wine, or more accurately, drinking a six-pack of Bud Light and freebasing a No-Doz.
According to the product website, it is “ready to reak [sic] havoc on the caffeinated alcoholic beverage world.” It comes in watermelon flavor. Some models have slightly less alcohol:
Does anyone know where I can buy this?
Posted In:
Alcohol- the Solution to All of Life's Problems, alcoholic energy drinks, booze, drinking, four loko, joose, red bull, sparks
Do report back on how many you had and whatever effects it produced.
Had a Four Loko the other day after about three (normal) beers, and it’s definitely crazy. It smells horrible and tastes worse, but five swigs in the buzz hit. I finished it and promptly took a two-hour nap in a recliner. Not sure if I could drink two of these; they’re THAT strong.
update: i am drinking the joose. it smells like the children’s grape fluoride you had to get at the dentist before you graduated to the baller adult fluoride.
I just found the Joose tonight when I went on a beer run to my local A&P. That sucker is burning a hole in my fridge waiting for me to drink it. Too bad it’s like $5 a can.
Ok, now that I’m actually drinking it, it tastes like grape soda mixed with dirt. The aftertaste is a killer. It tastes like a Welch’s Grape Soda that’s been sitting in my trunk fermenting for 10 years. Goddamn, do I have a buzz, but I think I need to scrub my tongue with a wire brush. Please God, make this taste go away.
important update: my local store just began stocking another little number called MAX FURY. it is 12% ABV like Four LOKO and says “contains alcohol” in like 5 different places on the can. it tastes like apricots, but for hard guys. also the website on the can “drinkmax.com” doesn’t exist. i can’t verify this, but one website claims MAX FURY is a new drink just released by the Joose company. for the f*cking win, Joose.
here Joose costs about $2.30 a can
Four Loko is about the same price.
theyre sold @ damn near every gas station & convenience in the Tampa area.
Tilt is my favorite, 9% is the max alcohol content u can get of that but it tastes the best out of all of them.
Four Loko is pretty nasty, but very strong.
heres some pictures i took of the can:
http://i31.tinypic.com/1z5ktnn.jpg
http://i31.tinypic.com/xbj0pd.jpg
http://i29.tinypic.com/117bcwy.jpg
Thanks for the awesome post, it helped me out a lot.
Four Loko has totally changed who my son is. Not only is he addicted to this drink he has also started to see his college grades plumet as a result. As funny and clever as you think you are seeking out a drink that will give you a “high” it can also ruin your life. I am only on this website by accident trying to find information on the FDA requiring the caffeine content.
I pray that you all are careful in your choices and really think about this one.
Tina
My 15 year old son was able to buy Max in a drive-thru dairy barn. I was unaware until later when I met him at the ER. He was obliterated. The doctor said he had .24 alcohol. He has seen 200 pound men passed out with that same alcohol level. My son is about 110 pounds. Only later did I find out he drank a 24 oz. can of Max. The combination of caffeine and alcohol can be deadly. Thankfully, he was brought to the hospital in time. Everyone should talk to their kids about the dangers of these popular drinks. I had no idea about them.
hopefully going to try four lokos tonight for the first time. cannot wait.
Had 4 of these and was twisted. I don’t remember about 5 hours. Had 3 the next week and was still a mess. These don’t fawk around
If you can drink 4 fourlokos(and keep your friends)your loko(litterally). But try the other one called MAX, still 12% but with an added extract that makes it The Drink of the gods. Sorry bout your kids(gods have to be 21)
I had one whole Max one night and was completely gone. Being only 130 lbs it hit me like a ton of bricks, which is odd because compared to my friends I’m not usually a light weight. From what I can remember, I vomited about 7 times. It was so bad that i fell asleep at the train station. I promised myself I wouldn’t have Max for a long time because of the 12% alcohol content and the mix of an energy drink. My advice, don’t drink it but, if you do, DO NOT CHUG IT LIKE I DID, BAD MOVE.
Four Loko is awesome! Two of those will knock you off your feet and trying to get with even the ugliest of girls. Plus it’s only about 5 dollars for two of them. I just discovered the Max and it’s only 99 cents. It’s just as strong as Four Loko and is less than half the price. I’m down with that. I drink like three a day now. For all you mothers talking about how it ruined your son’s life, maybe your son just sucks and can’t handle their liquor. They probably deserved what they got for being such a pansy. Get wasted!! Enough said.
can you just buy one of these at a store if your under 21
I was hooked on this poison and vowed to never have it. I caved and had a joose and four loko last nite and woke up feeling beyond awful. This stuff needs to be banned is f@cking up a lot of kids lives.
4 lokos woooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! white power
four lokos is the SHIETT!!
im 17
n after i smoke a blunt n pound a loko i feel real good
man up n drink that shit
How the hell is this drink ruining your kids life thats absolutely your fault for not correcting their behavior by college. Joose taste like crap four loko does too but they get you very very messed up. They keep you awake then you want to crawl in a hole and sleep for days. After drinking this and a couple of more drinks the next day you might not feel to sharp
just tried joose for the first time.. i am a 29 year old sailor and i am buzzing to hell from just half of one.. this stuff is intense. Be careful and if you are under 21, be really careful, a trip to the ER is a good way to get busted…. just saying.