The Naked Cowboy: Why I Want To Be Mayor of New York

The Naked Cowboy, beloved underwear-clad street person who walks around Times Square spreading naked cheer, is running for Mayor of New York City.  Why is this man, whose only real job experience is walking around without clothes, fit to be mayor?

I’ve basically created a global brand with just some tighty-whities and hard work, so imagine what I can do when I’m backed by all the wonderful people and resources of the greatest city on earth? My campaign is based on one simple truth — no one’s done more with less than me.

Not even… not even Jesus.  Click through to read more about his platform and motives.  

I have a political science degree, and I grew up around politics. My father’s been a city councilman for over twenty years now, and was also a volunteer fireman. Most importantly though, who knows the pulse of the city better than me? I’ve been standing outside in Times Square for over a decade, listening to the minds of all New Yorkers — from cab drivers and politicians to the thousands of small businessmen just like me. I know what’s on their mind.

And think about Schwarzenneger and Reagan. Schwarzenneger used to just blow stuff up all day on movie sets, and Reagan used to act with a bunch of chimps. He still became a great president, but he probably would’ve been even better if he spent as much time out with the people as I do.

Being naked with people is basically all the training you need for politics.  He’s introducing a new agenda for the city called “The Naked Stimulus Plan.”  It is a comprehensive set of business-growing incentives and catalysts like

No more tinkle down economics. Things don’t grow from the top down, but from the bottom up. And just helping the rich leaves most people tinkled on. So no more tax breaks just because you’re wealthy. I’m going to tie tax incentives to greening initiatives and other progressive plans…

Blah blah whatever whatever.  Naked Cowboy Man, Americans hate it when joke politicians try to come up with actual thinking.  If you want to pull that sh*t, move to Sweden.  Otherwise, limit your campaign to “A vote for me is a vote for topless sunbathing in Central Park HAAAA attention!”

Source: HuffPo.