"How Hetero," The Long-Awaited Internet Tool That Tells You How Gay You Are

A great new service that the world needs: a website that will tell you how gay you are based on your Twitter feed!  Or, more technically, how “hetero” you are.  You automatically start at only 80% for using Twitter in the first place.

This service is brought to you by the Stockholm Pride fair or festival or parade or something, and it is meant to show how people judge each other’s sexuality.  Unfortunately for the organization, the tool works equally well for showing what a homo everyone on Twitter is.  Ha!  Yet “How Hetero” had the last laugh, for even F-Listed (follow us!), internet bastion of all that is sharp booze and fresh women, got tarred with the same brush.

Click through to see just how hetero these very words you’re reading are, plus, I ran the results from a number of oft-tweeting celebs…

A precarious 56% hetero are we.  We were written up for use of such gay words as Angelina, Bruno, Aida (?), gay, and musical.  In fairness, straight people like music too, and we often must rely on the adjectival form of the word to describe matters of or relating to music.  Also, The Sound of Music.  Uplifting and delightful.

“You’re as hetero as low-fat mayonnaise. Trying to have our cake and eat it too are we?” was our diagnosis.

I also tried noted self-hating homosexual Ted Haggard, but learned “tedhaggard7 doesn’t use cliche words.  We like that.”  Pssh.

Perez Hilton, predictably, scores a 1%.

Lance Armstrong clocks in at 81% hetero (all the more impressive considering that with a second testicle, he would be 162% straight), while prolific tweeter Shaq shoots for 74%, and Barack Obama polls a positively James Buchanan 61% (demerits for using gay words like “philadelphia” and “community”).

Lindsay Lohan, however, is the straightest of them all: 85%.

Source: How Hetero.

FOLLOW F-LISTED ON TWITTER, FOLKS.