Dastardly School Villain Switches Jonas Brothers Video With Hardcore Porn

What is our nation’s most precious natural resource?  Purple mountains’ majesty filled to the top with Premium Unleaded straight no chaser, baby!  But our second-most-precious natural resource is the Baltimore Aquarium.  But our third-most-important natural resource is… the children.  This story is about them.  This story is about how the children expected to watch a crappy Jonas Brothers movie in class (and they said No Child Left Behind wasn’t working!), but when the teacher turned on the projector, what the children instead got to watch was a rockin’ porno!

Rockin’!!!!  How did this hilarious mistake happen?  

The children were subjected to 45 seconds of the X-rate filth before a horrified teacher frantically ripped out the DVD player’s plug.

These kids were as young as five!  Radical!

Five classes had been taken into an auditorium to watch “Camp Rock,” a Disney Channel movie starring the Jonas Brothers according to headteacher Robert Marchi.

But he wrote to parents that a “very explicit pornographic video came on the screen.”

He said: “This was extremely upsetting to the students and staff members in attendance . . . I am deeply sorry that this episode took place at PS 17. I know that we will make every effort to find out who was responsible for this despicable act.”

But wait!  Where was the DVD player safely locked before the movie was shown?  Why, in the principal’s office, the parents claim!  Robert Marchi has lashed out at these allegations, proclaiming, “You’ve got the wrong man!  The culprit was my evil, mustache-twirling twin ‘Rupert Morcheeba’!”

Three things piss me off here: first, that your tax dollars are being spent on porn for our public school educators – the very same tax dollars you could have been spending on porn for yourself.  Second, that I didn’t get to see a naked lady until Denise Richards in Wild Things, on the band overnight field trip.  Third, the Jonas Brothers.

Source: Metro via Nerve.