The Comfort Wipe Butt-Wiping Renaissance Will Not Happen in Our Lifetimes

Last week, you all got a look at the new Comfort WipeTM, a tool that promised the first real improvement to wiping your butt since the 1880s.  You beheld and you rejoiced; things were going to be different now.  You would learn that recipe.  You would get that promotion.  Women would no longer be turned off by how you’re so fat you can’t even reach and wipe a part of your own body.

I hate to bring you sad news, but the Comfort Wipe is now a dream deferred: New York magazine called Comfort Wipe’s parent company to place an order and they were told…  

“I’m sorry to tell you that the product has been discontinued,” a spokeswoman forTelebrands, the New Jersey–based company informed us. What’s worse, the ComfortWipe never even got a chance to be. The commercial was merely a test run to gauge interest in the product, and despite its cult success, the product “was never brought to market and it was never sold,” said the spokeswoman. She added, somewhat matter-of-factly, “Telebrands tests hundreds of products every year, the majority of which fail.”

So it looks like we’ll remain in the Dark Ages, wiping our @sses in the old way of our fathers and their fathers before them, borne back ceaselessly into the past.  I hope you didn’t forget your technique!

Source: New York.