Movie Night or Bar Fight? Imagine That, The Taking of Pelham 123, Tetro

Time for the sometimes-weekly roundup and rundown of movies opening today.  Should you see them?  Or should you maybe intoxicate yourself until someone’s mouth looks irresistible to your fist?

It’s an unfair fight, so to speak, but let’s look at the movie options anyway.  Imagine That, The Taking of Pelham 123, and Tetro. Maybe for Saturday afternoon!  No?  Sunday?  Monday night?  Jesus, do you ever not drink during your free time?  

Imagine That: Something something family comedy something financial executive with no time for his children something something an imaginary world.  Some critics say, “Eddie Murphy at his funniest.” Ok…  Verdict: You could go to a bar and even not get in a fight and it would probably be better than this movie!

The Taking of Pelham 123: A bad terrorist man named John Travolta takes over a subway train (not sure which, as everyone knows that the 123 does not go to Pelham) and is going to – guess! – blow it up.  Who can stop him?  Only Rudy Giuliani.  Played by Denzel Washington.  Critics agree that it is boring or not boring and are praising it as formulaic or not formulaic, powered by star actors who pull off genuine drama or lackluster performances.  Verdict: Bar fight, on a subway.

Tetro: Art-house movie by one Francis Ford Coppola.  About an Argentine-Italian family that gets dramatic.  Not really sure what it’s actually about.  Critics say: brilliant like a living legend channeling a first-time filmmaker or overwrought like a first-time filmmaking channeling a living legend.  What’s with the equivocal reviews this week?  Verdict: Probably doesn’t open in your theater anyway.

More reviews: Rotten Tomatoes.