Jessica Alba Uses Vandalism to Speak for the Sharks Who Cannot Speak for Themselves

Great white sharks have a long and frequently troubled relationship with the press.  First, there was Jaws, which set mainstream acceptance of great whites back at least ten years.  And then there was Jaws 2.  Just when things were looking up, Jaws: The Ride opened at Universal Studios, setting off another firestorm of anti-shark sentiment.

Also, throughout it all, sharks kept eating people.  So the great whites decided to hire a new PR agent, famous celebrity Jessica Alba.  This turned out to be a poor choice, as Jessica Alba happens to have a strong vandalism streak.  And because she’s Jessica Alba, someone took pictures of her in the act…  

Last week, Jessica Alba plastered posters of a great white shark  across different spots in Downtown Oklahoma City.  These locations included Stage Center and a railroad overpass near Bricktown.  And she did it all to bring awareness to the dwindling great white shark population.

Some problems here, Jessica Alba.  First of all, nobody in Oklahoma gives a f*ck about sharks.  In Oklahoma, you are 3,000 miles from the nearest shark.  Second problem: she pasted one poster over a United godd*mn Way billboard.  A charity organization!  You would think she’d at least deface, say, a sign for Chicken of the Sea or Joe’s Crab Shack or something.

Third problem: the glue was really sticky.

Oklahoma City Police Sergeant Gary Knight told the New York Daily News that the posters “were placed around downtown with heavy-duty glue, making them darn near impossible to get off.” He went on to say that “it’s basically a vandalism case that could involve our new tagger laws.”

Alba has released a statement:

“I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign.”

Your mother warned you not to roll with sharks, Jessica.  They are only trouble!  Lucky the police caught you so soon and straightened you out before you went off gnawing on boat hulls and eating surfers.

Source: Popeater, The Lost Ogle broke the story.