Lance Armstrong Left Sheryl Crow Because You Can't Tie Lance Armstrong Down

In a new book, Lance (I feel the editors dropped the ball in not titling it Lance!), Lance Armstrong reveals that he dumped Sheryl Crow in 2005 because she wanted to settle down and make babies and live a quiet life and he was like, I don’t know if you know this but I’m Lance Armstrong and that is not what Lance Armstrong is about. 

“She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn’t want that, but I didn’t want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I’d just had kids,” Armstrong, 37, reveals. “Yet we’re up against her biological clock — that pressure is what cracked it.”

Women and their clocks!

In 2007, Sheryl Crow had to adopt a child because her clock ran out thanks to Lance Armstrong.  Armstrong, who has the clocks of ten lesser men, went on to date Ashley Olsen, who is less than half the age of rusty old clockless Sheryl Crow.  And now Lance Armstrong is giving his super clockful DNA to another woman.

Last December, he announced that his girlfriend, Anna Hansen, is pregnant. Their baby was conceived naturally, defying doctors’ concerns that Armstrong’s bout with testicular cancer had rendered him sterile. The baby is due next month.

Lance Armstrong sterile?  You might as well call John F. Kennedy sterile.  You might as well call Seal sterile.

Source: Page Six.