Look, B!tch– He's Just Not That Into You

Normally I wouldn’t advise that unstable women watch chick flicks, but in the case of Lindsay Lohan, crazie needs to get back on her meds and watch “He’s Just Not That Into You” before America is subjected to any more attention-hungry Us Magazine covers of the failed actress.

After months of unsuccessfully trying to quit the b!tch, Samatha Ronson finally mustered the courage to break up with Lindsay, going so far as to hire five security guards to keep Lohan out of an after-party at the Chateau Marmont and changing all the locks to her house to keep crazie out. Members of the Ronson family even looked into getting a restraining order against Lindsay.

Still, through it all, she can’t take a hint. According to various sources, Lindsay tried frantically to get into the after-party at the Chateau Marmont, and even went so far as to rent the room directly one floor above the Ronsons.

Sam should thank her lucky stars she’s got a vagina instead of a penis. Otherwise, you know Lindsay would be knocked-up by now. She’s the kind of girl who would poke holes in the condom to try and keep a man. Perks of being a carpet muncher: the only mistake that can take place is that you accidentally slip the strap-on in your girls vag while f*cking her in the ass, and she won’t get pregnant.

Source: UsMagazine