Hump Wednesdays: How to Have Anal Sex

According to statistics released by the CDC in 2002, it is estimated that 40 percent of men and 35 percent of females, ages 25-44, have engaged in anal intercourse with a partner of the opposite sex. And yet, anal sex between a man and a woman is still taboo in American culture, especially when it comes to talking about it. Except here on F-listed, of course. We dare to take on the challenge!

Hump Wednesdays: How to Have Anal Sex

 

Most of my female friends have begrudgingly participated in anal sex. Don’t call it rape, call it compromise. Every partner ought to take the other partner’s tastes into consideration. From that percentage, about half of them genuinely enjoy doing it. For those females that have never tried it, and fear walking the next day, I urge you to look at it from another angle. One word: Science! Men, you too. Don’t be so quick to judge your partner’s passion-driven appetite!

There are some things I just don’t get about the anal haters. Yes, we know it’s having sex in the butt, but so what? For one, we have so many nerve ending there’s it would be ludicrous to ignore that area. Don’t be scared to explore the idea. If you do not like it, you don’t have to do it. Bare in mind, however, that not all experiences are the same. Tropicana is Tropicana, and fresh orange juice is fresh orange juice.

Men, since it’s more likely than not that you will be the ones asking this of your female partner, your patience is of utmost importance. Allow your woman the time to channel her instincts. Permitting she be in the right frame of mind, and it be pleasurable, you might be surprised at the hunger that’ll creep inside her for it.

Tip No. 1 – Cleanliness is Godliness

First things first– Neither one of you are to be on a full stomach. Ever. Period. If you think you can scarf down extra-cheesy chicken enchiladas for dinner, pound back a couple of beers, and then expect a little backdoor action, you’re sadly mistaken.

Ladies, be sure to “fast” leading up to the act before your man wanders down your stairway to heaven. Some women take enemas beforehand, but from a chica whose not afraid to say she loves the backdoor lovin’, enemas are not needed. If you eat healthy, and make sure to get your daily recommended dose of fiber and drink plenty of water, you’ll be fine.

Your sexual appetite is hungry and your tummy is empty, now what? Hygiene! Men, please don’t expect the beautiful, pink eye you see in the adult films. If your lady has yet to experience anal, do not expect her to go and get her lips bleached just quite yet. But lady, you do have to trim the weeds back there.

Go get yourself a Brazilian bikini wax the day before, unless you live in New Jersey. I promise you they’re relatively painless and will make you feel smooth and silky clean. Whatever you do, DO NOT use Nair. Trust me, I speak from experience. *Grins awkwardly*

Tip No. 2 – Anal Pre-Game

The first time I ever had *whispers* butt sex *end whisper* I was wasted off my ass, and good thing too, because we didn’t have any lube! Alcohol is a nice additive, but it’s not necessary. Not to mention that too much alcohol could lead to ridonculous amounts of trouble, just ask Tucker Max, the author of the ever-hilarious first-person narrative, Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue. It’s best to keep alcohol levels at a level you can each be fully aware of your actions and not get carried away.

Once you’re all liquored up and ready — Preferably after each of you has a nice and private shower, alone — it’s time to start taking off the clothes. Woohoo! In terms of using a personal lubricant, do not count on spit as being your go-to option. Prepare for the situation accordingly, by purchasing some prior to the sex taking place. Do not use Vaseline, because it is an oil-based lubricant and will eat away through the condom. (Oh, and yes, you’ll have to wear a condom, guys! This is not a situation where you want skin-on-skin contact. Especially if you plan on having vaginal sex with your woman afterwards.)

Based on my personal experience, late-night discussions with girlfriends, and reading books on sex (but mainly my personal experience), I highly suggest using AstroGlide as your anal lubricant. In specific, the one with the purple cap, not the blue one. A good lubricant keeps things moist without making thinks sticky or clammy.

Tip No. 3 – Warming Up

When it comes to anal, you can’t just jump into. Take your time. Explore each other’s body with some heavy foreplay action. Don’t just say you think she’s beautiful, demonstrate it. Kiss our necks. Add a nibble or two. While you’re add it, throw in a finger or two, as well. Take it back to high school, when fingering a girl was the coolest thing ever and you were excited as hell. Tickle our clit with one hand, and hold us tight with the other. Go down on us and show us how much you loved how we taste and feel. 

When you’re burying your tongue in your female partner’s Hot Pocket, without showing any signs of discomfort, channel your inner man and remind her why she’s with you. Tongue relaxed, wide, and fat, take big deep stroke at your lady’s backdoor pucker. Make her want to feel you inside her. You don’t like two-minute blowjobs and she doesn’t want two minute salad tossing sessions. Be sure to vary up the routine, making sure to give her pucker the love and attention it deserves.

Once she becomes comfortable (I’d say about the time she starts “bucking”), gently slip your index finger. Make sure all your fingernails are cut and trimmed. You do not want to hurt her, because A) Because you want her to enjoy it, B) Because you’ll be ass blocking every dude that dates her after,  and C) Because then you’ll have effed over both man and womankind. 

Tip No. 4 – Let’s Do This!

Ladies, when a man slips his fingers inside your chocolate starfish, be sure to relax your body. If you have been practicing your kegel exercises, then being able to control the progression of the situation should not be a problem. Relax your muscles and allow your man entry so he may pleasure you. At this point, the man should pay special attention to the woman, not only vocally, but situationally as well. Take note of how her body reacts. You want to make sure the woman you are with is genuinely satisfied, otherwise you’re just hurting her and your reputation as a man.

Making sure to squirt lube every now and again. Start with a few drops, and then work your way up a few drops at a time. Do NOT allow yourself to get carried away. (See: Tucker Max reference under Tip No. 2.) Listen out for your woman’s groans. Ask her, “Does it feel good?” Because anal sex tends to be distinctly more taut than vaginal sex (on average), be sure to go slow and build a rhythm jointly with your female partner. Building a rhythm the body can rock to fluidly will allow entry more easily.

There are multiple positions that could be used during anal sex –whether it be doggie-style, from the back with the woman on her knees, on your back, on your side, etc. — and with time you should be able to explore all sorts of different avenues. Until both individuals are fully comfortable with the situation, I kindly suggest either the woman doggie-style or laying on her back. Note, if the woman is on all fours, do NOT lower your chest. This will change the curvature of your body and make entry more difficult. Keep things simple at first. 

The Moral of the Story

Most of all, what I wish for men and women to get out of this it to keep an open mind and to respect other’s distinct sexual likes and dislikes. Most women I know that frown upon anal sex think it’s degrading to women. I tend to disagree with this. Society has deemed it that way, but that is not written in stone. Stigmas can always be redefined. And as for men, if it’s really important for you to try new things like anal, date the girl who does it. Don’t get the good girl you can take home to mom and another one for ass on the side. You won’t be happy. You’ll be stuck in a nightmare. Pick the one that makes you happy. Period.

Anyhoo, good luck out there, and if there’s ever anything you want to know more of, hit me up at mmartinez@flisted.com. Nothing is off limits!

XOXO

Melysa

F-Listed

 

* Dedicated to Lily Allen and Eggie.