F-Listed's Sexpert Q&A: How To Get Better Head

Q – Ok miss expert, if a girl is giving you head, but you’ve had better, what would be the least insulting way to put that? Only twice have I had the kinda head where I didn’t feel I need to get involved at all, but lately its like either they don’t think about men having sensitive areas and just think we like the whole thing swallowed for some reason. (And trust me, I have tried the whole hint like ‘yeah like that’ but they just change it up!!! Or they really do just forget about the teeth rule!!!)

Click on video if you really want to get in the mood. Racy lyrics NSFW.

A - This is a great question and I’m happy you wrote in about it! I’ve actually been meaning to write a “How to Give Head” post, because I find that not many women know how to give proper head, which is sad. Well, at least that’s what I’ve heard from a lot of my guy friends. Not to mention that about 50% of my female friends don’t enjoy it. I would venture to say I’m not mindblowing at regular sex, but I’ve been told I rank on the top 3 lists of chicks who give the best head by almost every guy I’ve dated. Although, I guess they could’ve lied, but I don’t see why? Anyhoo, I’m getting sidetracked and am starting to ramble. Haha.

In my opinion, we should all be able to be honest with our partners and tell them straight up what’s right or wrong with anything in a relationship, albeit sexual or not. I have flat-out told men during oral sex, “No, don’t point your tongue. I don’t like that. Flatten it. There, that’s better.”

The trick is to use the right words and right tone. Don’t say it too soft-spoken or you’ll emasculate yourself, but too pushy or too firm and it might come off as rude or like you’re our dads yelling at us for not doing the chores back in high school. If the girl is giving you teeth, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Ouch, teeth.” That way there won’t be any confusion! If you say it nicely (and permitting she’s not an uptight c-word that rhymes with runt), I promise you she won’t flee the room in tears.

Some useful phrases for your consideration:

“Oooh, no. Stay right there. That feels really good.”

“Wait, wait.. go back… that’s awesome.”

“Spit on it.”

“Massage the balls. Yeah, like that.”

These phrases may sound mad cheesy, but a corny phrase like “massage the balls” says exactly what you want done. Don’t touch them, don’t poke them, don’t pinch them, massage them!

If you don’t have the cojones to tell her while she’s bopping up and down, then trick her! I don’t by any means condone trickery– I don’t think it’s cool for a chick to say it’s someone’s baby when it’s not– but I am totally down for masterminding something if everyone benefits from it.

Say, for example, you tell your lady friend:

“I had the weirdest morning! I was standing on line at Starbucks (It could be anywhere. The supermarket, Target, etc.) and these chicks in front of me were talking about how their boyfriends suck at eating them out and they couldn’t figure out how to tell them. It was so annoying, ’cause they were talking super loud like they wanted everyone to hear them. They kept talking about how they were going to buy their boyfriends books and teach them. After I finished burning the back of their skulls with my eyes, I wondered, ‘Have you ever felt the same way? I want to make sure I satisfy you. I thought maybe we could have a romantic date night, where we stay home and just take the time to pleasure each other. We could get some books on techniques. It could be fun. An entire night of foreplay and pleasuring each other. ‘”

If you don’t comfortable approaching the situation directly, the above mock conversation is a good way to bring up the topic without ruffling anyone’s feathers. Sure, the whole thing is a lie, but the way I see it gives you both the opportunity to refresh on your oral skills and please each other the way it was meant to be done. Who knows, maybe you suck at going down on your lady and the minute you tell her the story she’ll think to herself, ‘Sweet! Now I can tell him how I want him to do it without bringing it up or insulting his manhood! I hate when he stops kissing my neck while stimulating my clit!’ That’s right, boys. You guys sometimes suck at it, too!

A few weeks ago I bought this book at Barnes & Noble called “Blow Him Away” that is definitely worth having her take a look at. When you get her to go to the bookstore with you (or you could go on your own), you could be like, “Oooh, this looks interesting!” and give her a sly sexy look. There’s also these really great sex DVDs I bought after seeing part of it at The Museum of Sex in NYC last year. They’re called “Great Sex for a Lifetime” and they’re wonderful.

Yeah, it’s a video, which seems lame, but it focuses more on both partners communicating what they enjoy in the bedroom. The people in the DVD are naked and at least for me, it was kind of a turn-on to see people who were that comfortable in their skin to be naked on film. Honestly, sexier than porn by far. I love adult entertainment, but let’s face it, it can be very seedy. You want your woman to feel sexy, not seedy. Not to mention inaccurate when it comes to technique. Here’s the link to the DVD’s site if you’re interested: http://lifetime.bettersex.com/.

Hopefully I gave you some ideas to approach your situation!  Overall, remember that communication is very important. As your lady improves, don’t fear giving her some positive feedback. Trust me, it’s always good to hear “Oh my God, that was sooo good. I swear you only get better with time!” every now and again!

As usual, I know the post is long, but I’m giving you guys the best advice that I can give, and not the usual BS you find on sites like About.com or whatnot. If any of you have any questions or thoughts they’d like to share, feel free to hit me up at mmartinez@flisted.com. Nothing is off limits! 

XOXO

Melysa

F-Listed