Stories Of The Absurd: The Turd Burglar

A Pennsylvania man was arrested after his DNA matched that of the feces left at the scene of several robberies.  Yea, you read that right, first he would burglarize people’s homes and then to add insult to injury he’d take a giant crap and leave it there for them to find.

The 39-year-old burglar, Robert Green was aprehended after an associate of his implicated him in a robbery where the accused did more than stole good from a house.  He left something behind, a giant pile of poop on the stairs.

After an investigation, Green gave a sample of his DNA which was perfectly matched to the doodie found at the scene.  It also implicated him in several other robberies where feces were left behind.

The Times Herald says Green’s crime spree resulted in more than just shocking his victims:

When the family was awakened, they looked around the house and found the intruder had strewn the contents of several of their purses on the kitchen counter and taken the cash. The family also discovered the intruder had defecated in their downstairs bathroom, leaving discarded toilet paper in the trash can that was smeared with feces, according to court records. The human waste was collected and sent off to National Medical Services.

The results of this test lead to Green’s arrest.  Consequently, this past Friday, justice was served when Green was sentenced to 15 months to 4 years in prison.  Too bad it wasn’t served on a plate of poo, as an ends to justify the means, right?