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January 13, 2009 @ 3:18 PM / By Melysa F-Listed contributing writer
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES…..
Hey boys and girls, we’re having some technical difficulties with the site right now. Don’t worry, we’ll be back soon. In the meantime, give your nether region some love! But if you already gave your fur bus or your third eye some love care of YouPorn today, and work is dragging, hit me up in the comments section. We’ll banter about whatever. Dreams, money, the recession, movies, music, porn, food. Whatever pops into your head. (Not that one!)
XOXO
Melysa
Posted In:
Wow, there seems to be a serious lack of the requested banter in here…
Well, I pretty much just posted this a couple of minutes ago. If I was Michael K there’d already be like 1,000 comments, but sadly I am not him. I was going to say Perez Hilton, but eff hima nd his boring commentary. Dlisted and WWTDD are way better and deserve way more recognition. I know I’m not alone on this one either.
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
Perez is a douche. I don’t have a clue who Michael K. is, and I responded to you because well, I have no life apparently. I have to shower and feed my cats and feed AND walk my dog. Can you stand the excitement? Though I am glad to have them you know. I’ve hit that age where taking care of my pets appeals to me. So what is your story? Are you just sitting around waiting for my reply? Are you? Cause that would thrill me.
..and here I am sitting around waiting for YOUR reply…hey you know I commented about Prince Harry the other day, but I suspect these comments go unread. Well, not THESE comments in this thread because you have already responded. But THOSE comments. Those I suspect have gone unread.
Ok I have to feed my pets, they are staging a coup and I fear for the safety of my personal belongings. Hungry pets=random, mindless destruction afoot. I’ll be back shortly. Or longly.
I’m totally talking to myself at this point…on the upside, I’m a great listener~!
Haha. No, I’m not ignoring you. I was just working on some other stuff since the site is momentarily down. I was just telling a friend that one of the dude’s over at AskMen.com called and said the President of the site loves F-Listed. Which is awesome.
And then I told him that I was going to ask that chick who is selling her virginity for an interview and that she better do it too. Actually, I’ll just copy and paste what I wrote:
“If that whore has no issue selling her viriginity but is too dignified to do an interview, I will grow a penis just so I can cum on her face.”
This was his response: “OH MY GOD never, ever, heard a girl say that. that’s past sick. that’s outrageous. that would make some of my friends flinch, for sure”
Haha. What can I say I have a dirty mouth? My poor parents! I’d apologize for my foul language but I really don’t care. For pete’s sake, she’s making $4 mill of her intact hymen!
As for walking your pets and all that jizz, yeah, I’m totally on board with you on both those aspects. My dog doesn’t get destructive if I don’t walk her, but she does get really anxious and whiney. She starts pacing all over the place and I can feel it and it drives me crazy! But she’s such a great daughter and I love her and I think she’s the best pet in the entire world. She’s super effing smart. If I were to tell you how we interact you’d certainly think me crazy, because I talk to her like I would talk to a human, but I SWEAR she understands. She’s a mutt, but she’s part Basenji, and is just super pretty and intelligent and loves to give hugs. Literally. Like you tell her to give you a hug and she’ll rest her head lovingly in the nook of your neck. It’s effing adorable! What kind pets do you have?
As for the shower thing, I actually hate to shower. I always have. When I was a little girl I would lock the bathroom door, run the shower, and just sit on the floor and read. I also had a flashlight and kept books under my pillow to read at night. I’m such a total nerd. I love being clean, but just something about the whole process of going to shower and getting ready for bed really irks me. I don’t get it. Speaking of, I think I’m going to go shower now. I stink!
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
PS – Michael K is the genius over at Dlisted.com. And as for responding to comments, I try to respond as much as I can but (I smoke) and sometimes things slip my mind. It’s true. What can I say? I’m a jackass! But keep writing, now that there are more writers on board (Beef and Miss Sabrina) I have more time to leave comments. I love reading everyone’s comment adn writing back too. It’s just me and my computer, so trust me I love the interaction. Woohoo!
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
Sexpert question
I’m curious about your comments regarding a woman’s “starfish”. Can at some point can you give a primer on what women like down there, what percentage of women like guys to go “down” there and any other general tips/techniques that would aide in my partners enjoyment.
Just trying to please
I’m off to shower too. Also, have a little respect for the dying remnants of my heterosexuality and please avoid saying things like ‘I stink’. I need my carefully crafted delusions about women.
As for talking with your pets, I maintain long running dialogues with mine, and they DO understand. Given, they miss a word or two and might not really be following everything, but I know they understand English and if nothing else appreciate the odd chattering sounds emanating from their fur deprived servant.
My dog is a 10 year old mostly black Chihuahua, the largest one you’ll ever see (even the vet has commented that she is the biggest Chi she’s ever seen.) Despite her relatively large height and length, she still isn’t as big as any of our three cats. The oldest is the smallest of the trio, a black cat who is three-ish years old. The other two are siblings, a small mottled grey, very feisty girl, and her brother (our only male pet) a big boy, but a big baby as well, also black like our eldest cat. We have a lot of black pets…the siblings are nearly two-ish. I cannot give an exact age for any of them as they are all rescues, ex ferals who started living on our porch and eventually made it inside. They are now purely indoor cats, and we still feed and water a variety of ‘outdoor cats’.
‘Outdoor cats’ it should be noted means not only many, many ferals, but also includes the occasional stray dog, a skunk at least twice, one night a very steely nerved raccoon, something as yet unidentified that insists on removing the food bowl from the porch and carrying it across the street, leaving it at various points near the trees that separate the dog walking area from my neighbors lawn, and at least 2 but possibly more adorable opossums whom I collectively refer to as Macgillicuddy. Macgillicuddy is a gentleman of discerning taste, though bookish and quiet he does enjoy a gourmet meal.
Hey Curious George,
You caught me right in the nick of time, I was just about to jump in the shower! I absolutely can give you some pointers on that! Maybe I’ll make that my Hump Wednesdays post for tomorrow, if not next week. In a nutshell, that area has a lot of nerves and is very sensitive and thus has a very unique feeling when stimulated. I think the biggest thing to remember is being comfortable. It’s easy to feel comfortable with a man when you’re riding him from up top, but the truth is that when people start addressing more intimate areas, people can get sheepish. In the case of women, orgasms and sex, a lot of it is mental, so the minute we feel uncomfortable, don’t expect us to orgasm. First things first, talk to her about it! If it seems like too much, write out your thoughts and correspond through letters. Not like, in the mail, but over the course of the day or couple of days. I’ve done this because I think it takes away the bashful side of things and let’s you put everything down on paper, plus if you forget something, you can always write it down later. It’s not like a conversation, where sometimes you forget and you can’t bring it up again later ’cause the time has passed. As for percentages, I honestly can say that from my girlfriends and I it’s a 50/50. But like I said in the Blowjob Etiquette post (see here:http://flisted.com/59780/hump-wednesdays-thursday-blowjob-etiquette/) I’ve come to notice a pattern in women. A lot of girls who don’t like one thing, don’t like a lot of other things either. That is to say, if they don’t like anal, chances are they don’t like getting their starfish licked or really ENJOY giving oral. Also, another factor you should take into consideration, don’t expect us to look like the chicks in adult films. Chances are our pucker isn’t bleached white like porn stars, and that’s another factor that makes women uncomfortable. Some of us think that you guys expect us to look like the girls in the movies, and if we don’t you’ll be grossed out. But this is how I see it, chances are you don’t look like Jason Statham, so why should I look like Jesse Jane or Tera Patrick? Does that make sense? I will be happy to give you a more detailed and well thought out approach to this later on. These are just some quick things off the top of my head. Hope it helped!!!!! And yes, feel free to e-mail me whenever you have any questions. I feel funny giving myself the title of sexpert, but the truth is I’ve always been the most adventurous one of all my girlfriends, and chances are I’ve probably tried it or at least researched it because I considered doing it. So really, no questions are off limits. I am pretty well versed in the world of sex. =)
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
Hey Craig,
Haha. Sorry, it’s my twisted sense of humor. I don’t really stink, but I like grossing people out sometimes. But I’ll be gentle and won’t offend your olfactory system (i.e., your brain) and paint happy thoughts complete with fields of daffodils and lillies and roses. And naked women. Because, why not? RIght?
Alright, good, so you don’t think I’m crazy. My dog totally understands what I’m saying, but some people really think it makes one cookoo too talk to your pets. And I don’t do it in that annoying baby voice either. I just talk to her the way I’d talk to anyone else.
My first dog was a chihuaha and she was crazy!! She totally had a Napoleon complex and would challenge everyone and anyone who walked in through our door. She even chased burglars away and attacked our neighbor’s bulldog for no reason!
Cats, meh. Not to offend, just never been a fan. I’m too love-dovey squishing and athletic for a cat. I want to be hugged and run around the yard throwing sticks with Kayla. (That’s my four-legged daughter’s name.) That, and I’m super allergic. I can’t visit my friends with cat’s for more than 45 minutes otherwise I’m driving home with my eyes sealed shut and sneezing the entire way. It sucks ’cause I’m a total animal person, too.
Right now all I can afford is my dog, but growing up I had tons of pets. At one point we had two dogs, two birds, fish, a rabbit that had a cage outside, but hung out inside our house and knew to poop in the yard, two ferrets in a cage we called “The Mansion” cause it was huge (my dad was a total handyman and him and my brother built it), and six snakes in a big fish tank, mice for the snakes, and I used to collect tadpoles at the local botanical gardens and watch them grow into frogs before setting them free in the botanical gardens again. Oh, and hermit crabs. I had two pet hermit crabs for two years, that I eventually let free back in the beach. Yeah, I love animals. I love going to the zoo and just having a beer and hanging out.
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
Hey, I was never a cat person either. I never would have decided to go to a shelter and take one in, the thought of having a cat as a pet was foreign to me. But, that little kitten sleeping on the glider on the porch won me over. Now she sleeps on my bed (most nights) and all three of them are my babies. So as it stands I’m now both a dog and cat person.
It’s odd, but until you have a cat as a pet, you just don’t appreciate them. Now (for example), I see cats in TV commercials and they are given depth, personality. Prior to having any cats I’d see them on TV and it was just ‘cat one does action a’ ‘cat two does action b’, there was no reality to it, I was very detached from their behavior.
But in my wildest dreams I would not have ever pictured myself as a cat parent. Now, I could not picture myself as being otherwise.
I had hermit crabs when I was a kid too. You take the word ‘hermit’ out of that last sentence and boy, you get a whole new meaning. They are excellent climbers, which I was unaware of until one escaped his open topped sand dune container by climbing up the vine of a plant of my windowsill overhead. Still, even then I had no idea what was happening, he would come and go like magic. Finally, I saw him IN the plant pot and realized he had acquired himself a second home away from his beachfront property.
I used to keep small lizards and frogs as pets, but never replaced them after they died. I had become too emotionally attached to their food. Those weekly trips to get a puffy aired bag full of doomed crickets left me feeling sort of evil. So, no way in hell I’d have snakes. Mice as FOOD? Argh…way too ‘V’ for me**
**=Remember the 80′s TV miniseries ‘V’? When the alien lady was up in the mothership snacking on various little mammals? Fuck me dead…
How come you don’t have DListed on your blog roll?
Yeah what up with that? Lossip had the same problem. I thought it was a virus because my computer wanted to scan right away for viruses.
Why isn’t Dlisted on our blogroll? Because Michael K doesn’t love me. It breaks my heart. I think he is effing hilarious, but I guess this site isn’t big enough or good enough for him. Boo! You should e-mail him and demand he add us to his site blogroll! DO IT! It could be a late Xmas present to us! Haha. =)
XOXO
Melysa
F-Listed
Hey, why is the ‘naughty teacher/cheerleader’ a hugely popular fantasy?
Well that’s not surprising…
Most blog owners/editors, no matter how talented, are arrogant and full of themselves (just like celebrities). They forget where they came from and have no intention of helping people who are just starting or who have less of a popular blog than they do.
I’ve asked 2 or 3 of the more popular blogs to help a brother out and put my site on their links page or blog roll with no reply or “sorry I’m not taking link exchanges anymore”.
So I stopped asking. I’m just gonna have to outwrite them.
TSS, what is your URL and what is your blog about?
Good job, this site has really been an eye opener. I never comment on those blogs, even when the content is great
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