Lindsay Isn’t a Lesbian, She Just Really Loves P^ssy

Michael Lohan denies her ever told Us Magazine his daughter’s vagina gets wet thinking about eating out Samantha’s bearded clam. LIES! Us had quoted him as saying, Lindsay and Sam’s romance “is evident to anyone with half a brain.”

He told OK! Magazine, “I never said anything like this.” He added, “I’ve never even looked at the pictures of Linds and Sam, so how can I comment on this?”

“Just like the [nude] Marilyn Monroe pics, I’ve never looked at these photos either. This is just another way of some evil person spreading a vicious rumor to try to hurt my relationship with my daughter Lindsay.”

Daddy needs to keep his keep his asshole shut while talking.  He’s making global warming worse!  Nobody wants to breathe in his ass juice. We all know Sam and Lindsay get off on licking each other’s asshole.

Evidence here, here, and here.

Below, photos of Lindsay, her “talented” 14-year-old sister (she gives amazing handjobs, I’m so sure), and their P.I.M.P., Dina Lohan.  Did I mention one of Ali’s bags costs $1850. Unf^ckingbelievable.