Whatever You Do, Don’t Borrow Her Turkey Baster!

I guess at this point it doesn’t even matter anymore, but anyhoo.

Jessica Alba told Allure Magazine during a recent interview with the magazine that she used a turkey baster to suck out the splooge from one of Cash Warren’s used condoms in order to fertilize her unwelcomed ass after a fling they had during their 2007 post relationship break-up.

Luckily for her Cash has superhuman sperm and one of those suckers managed to squeeze into her egg before he could dump her ass for good.

She tells Allure magazine, “I can’t say it was a total accident. Because you’re aware of when you’re being careful and when you’re not. It just happened so soon.”

Note to bitches trying to trap their men into unhappy relationships by getting knocked-up: He’s still going to leave your ass.

It’ll just be five years down the line before he replaces your used vagina with a fresh one. Next time I advise you actually swallow your birth control and quit poking holes in the condoms.

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