I'd Rather Eat a Cup Filled with Bukkake Spunk

Heidi Montag shows off what “God” gave her in the February issue of Maxim Magazine. The woman can get as much surgery as she damn well pleases, and Maxim can airbrush the hell out of her, but this woman will NEVER be hot.

I’d rather lick Paris Hilton’s asshole before going near those silicone things she crammed into her chest. Not really.

If only I could have been her surgeon, I would have filled those implants with horse jizz instead of silicone. Girlfriend would smell of f^ck all the time. Beast lovers could then ride her like the horse-face that she is. Oh, but to dream a fabulous dream.

View topless photos after the jump!