Heidi Montag Likes To Touch Herself

Normally when a woman with ridiculous breasts touches herself, most people would get pretty excited. When Heidi Montag touches herself, there is a collective vomiting in mouths across the nation. Find out why Heidi would disgust us so after the jump.

In an attempt to help breast-implanted women maintain their newfound rack, Heidi tweeted some sage advice about fake boobie upkeep:

“Giving myself a soft tissue breast massage. Ladies we have to keep those breast implants soft.”

Well isn’t that sweet of her to share her boob routine with everyone. But going forward Heidi, really the only thing we want to know — or create mental images of — is a person who doesn’t look like she’s completely made of plastic rubbing herself. Big boobs are great, but when the rest of you looks like a total mess, it detracts from the epicness of your big, now soft boobs.

Via: NY Daily News